


Against All Odds

by CurrentlyLost



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-01-13 01:41:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18458843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurrentlyLost/pseuds/CurrentlyLost
Summary: Five years ago, Castiel left Dean on the day of their wedding. It left Dean with a huge hole in his heart and incapabe of loving anyone again. When Castiel returns, he has a lot of explaining to do and a lot is revealed that could change Dean's perception of his loved ones.





	1. Five Years Time and A Date

**Author's Note:**

> Based on events from the movie Monster-In-Law!

Dean sat in his home office drinking; his fifth shot of whiskey and it wasn’t even noon. Surprisingly, he always managed to get all of his work done by the end of the day. Once upon a time, he used to finish his work before noon so he could spend his other time with the love of his life; the man he was going to marry.

He violently shook his head out of the memories his mind was dragging him back to and set back to working. It was the fifth anniversary today, but he was in better shape now than he was four, or even three, years ago.

“Dean? Honey?” His mother, Mary, called from outside his office. “Are you working already?” She slowly opened the door and immediately smiled when she saw him. “Of course you are. Why don’t you take a break so we can get breakfast?” His mother was a beautiful blonde woman with a unique fashion sense, which she could afford. She was a millionaire, which would be passed down to Dean and his younger brother, Sam.

Sam was a lawyer, working in L.A, a few hours south of where Dean and his mother were currently residing. He moved back in with his mother to take care of her after her stroke a couple years ago and even though she was doing much better, she insisted that Dean stay with her since he was still working through his failed relationships.

“Sure, mom. I’ll be right out there. Just give me a minute,” he said, giving her a soft smile. His mom was his world. She’d done so much for he and Sam, even though she was gone a lot for work. She always made up for lost time when she got back, constantly taking them out to parks, the movies, and anywhere they wanted to go. She was a terrific mother.

He put his things aside and took another shot before standing up and leaving his office. They lived in a decently large house, and he worked towards the back of the house so it took a minute to get to the living room. When he got there, his mother was already waiting by the door.

“Are you ready to go? I was thinking about that cute little diner on seventh,” she said, grabbing her car keys. Dean was well aware that his mother knew he was drinking and was driving them herself. He was a high functioning alcoholic at this point, driving wouldn’t have been a problem, but on the off chance that he got stopped, it wouldn’t look good.

“Yeah. Sounds good,” he said, trying to ignore the fact that he used to frequent that place with his ex.

_God, Dean, it’s been five years. Get a fucking grip._

The drive over was silent, save for the music playing softly from the radio. It was too bright out for Dean. Everything was always too bright for him now. When they arrived at the diner, Dean felt that same rush of nerves he always did when seeing something that reminded Dean of _him_. It’s like getting on a plane for the first time.

After ordering their food, Mary turned to him. “Dean, I think it’s time you get married. Ellen has a daughter who’s a little younger than you, but she’s sweet and I think you’d like her.” Dean froze and then instantly began shaking his head.

“No. No, I’m _not_ getting married,” he said, making eye contact.

“Dean-”

“ _No_ , Mom.” At that moment, their food came and it was tense. Dean had ordered eggs, bacon, and a stack of pancakes, but now he didn’t feel hungry in the least. They thanked their waitress before she left.

“Dean, please. At least meet with her,” Mary said.

“I’m not interested in having any kind of relationship.” Mary sighed.

“This is still about Castiel, isn’t it?” Dean noticeably flinched at the name. “Castiel _left_ you, Dean, five years ago. You need to move on, sweetie, because I sure as hell can bet that he isn’t moping about drinking himself to death over you.”

Dean stayed silent, hurt that his own mother would say something like that to him. She was right, though, he thought. There was no way in hell _he_ was broken up over Dean they way Dean was for him. After all, he left for a reason.

They ate their lunch in silence. Mary tried making conversation, but Dean wasn’t having it. Just grunting and humming in response. She eventually gave up.

“Please, Dean. Just give Ellen’s daughter a chance. I made reservations for the two of you tomorrow at six.”

“What? So why even bother to ask me?” He asked incredulously. Mary shrugged.

“Eh. But I know you would never stand anyone up. So go. You may like her.”

Dean sighed and went back into his office.

  
*******

  
Dean was dressed in his work clothes, at least what he would wear if he were to go visit the office. Joanna, Ellen’s daughter, wouldn’t know the difference. He walked into the popular and very expensive restaurant and was instantly greeted by the hostess.

“Hi, how may I help you?” She asked, both cheerfully and professionally.

“Yeah, uh, I’ve got a reservation under Winchester,” he said, giving her a polite smile. He didn’t really like to smile much anymore. She looked down at the guest book and the smiled.

“Yes, I got you right here. Follow me this way.” They nodded at each other and she began to lead him through the restaurant. “I know the layout has changed quite a bit.”

Dean hadn’t even realized, but it definitely had. It used to be just as fancy but there was a lot more room now than there had been when he used to come here. “It has. I didn’t even realize it had been closed for renovations,” he said after a moment.

“Yes. The last owner moved out to the countryside and the current owner thought it was best to expand,” she said, stopping beside a table. “Here are your seats. Would you like for me to send someone over once your date arrives?” She asked.

Dean nodded. “Yes. Thank you,” he said. She smiled at him and left to return to her post. He took his seat and scanned the menu. Everything seemed to be the same, aside from a few dishes he’d never heard of before. The layout had changed a little, but not enough that a regular here would complain. There was new art on the wall, some religious, some not. It was refreshing, if anything.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. I misjudged the traffic here,” someone said to his right before taking a seat across the table. Dean felt terrible. If he’d seen her or even had known what she looked like, he would’ve stood and held her chair. Dean had always been a gentleman, or so he was told.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry I didn’t see you coming, I would’ve pulled out your seat,” Dean said, giving her a smile. She laughed softly.

“It’s fine,” she said. “So, hi! My name is Joanna, but you can call me Jo.”

“Dean Winchester,” he replied. “Pleasure to meet you, Jo.”

“Likewise. So what’s good on the menu?”

“Personally, I like the steaks. If they had burgers, I would definitely be ordering that.”

Jo giggled. “Oh, man, burgers are _the_ best!” She said. “But I guess I’ll have what your having. Let’s see if you have good taste,” she teased. Dean smiled, and he actually meant it.

“I prefer it burnt to a crisp, so if you like it bloody then I’m sorry but this isn’t going to work out,” he said, chuckling to assure her that he was joking.

“Ugh, I’m even offended that you would say that.”

They smiled at each other. Soon, the waitress came by and took down their drink and food orders.

“So have your mom and my mom been friends for a long time?” Jo asked.

“I think just shy of a decade? I’m not too sure. Everything lately passes by in a blur,” he said honestly. Jo looked a bit uncomfortable for a moment before she opened her mouth to speak.

“So, um, I heard that your last relationship was a bit… rough?” She said, but formed it as a question. Dean shifted a bit.

“Yeah. It didn’t end well. I was, uh, left before the wedding started. At least he had the decency to _not_ leave me standing at the altar,” Dean said, sighing defeatedly.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Jo reached over and put her hand on his. “You seem like a great guy.” Dean smiled at her.

“Thanks.” He cleared his throat. “Sorry for getting so heavy,” he said, avoiding eye contact.

She squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry about it.” She paused for a moment. “Do you mind me asking what his name was?” She asked.

Dean hesitated for a moment before sighing softly. “Castiel…” he replied. It was the first time he’d spoken Castiel’s named aloud in five years.

Jo nodded but didn’t say any more.

Other than that first bit, dinner went by exceptionally well. Dean had discovered that Jo was an amazing woman. Not only was she funny, she seemed very caring and compassionate. She was a school teacher who volunteered her weekends down at the homeless shelter; Dean was liking her more and more by the minute. And no, it definitely wasn’t because Castiel used to do that and so much more. 

“This has been an amazing date, Dean. Unfortunately, I have to be awake very early so I should start heading home,” Jo said. He understood. It was a weekday, after all.

“I feel that.” He raised his hand for the check and it wasn’t too long that a waitress came out to their table.

“How may I help you?” The waitress asked.

Dean smiled at her. “I’d like the check, please,” he said.

“You’re meal has already been paid for.” Dean raised a brow.

“Who paid for it?” He asked curiously.

“The owner. Thank you for dining with us tonight; I hope it was to your liking. Have a wonderful night,” the lady said with a smile before disappearing to the back.

“That was odd. Does that happen to you a lot?” Jo asked.

Dean shook his head. “Not too often. The owner must know my mother. Either way, that was very kind of them,” he said. He pulled out his wallet and left a very nice tip for their waitress. “Please, let me walk you to your car.”

“My, my. You _are_ a gentleman,” Jo giggled. They stood at the same time and made their way to the door. Dean allowed her to go by first and then opened the door to the restaurant for her with his hand at the small of her back.

They walked in silence to her car, parked on the other side of the lot from where Dean resided. She surprised Dean with a kiss on the cheek.

“I had a terrific time.”

Dean smiled. “I did, too.” Then there was silence, but neither of them moved.

“Look, Dean… I know Castiel still weighs heavily on your mind. I understand, really. But if this relationship isn’t going to go anywhere because of that, then I’d rather us stay as friends,” she explained, giving him a sad look.

“It’s been five years. I still… love him, but it is time I moved on. I’d like to keep seeing you as friends and seeing where that takes us. Is that all right?” He asked softly. His eyes were beginning to water as he admitted that his heart still belong to that man. Jo pulled him into a tight and comforting hug. He couldn’t have been more thankful for it.

“That sounds like a plan.”

They smiled at each other.

 

********

 

“So how was the date?” Mary asked first thing in the morning.

“It was good,” Dean said as he focused completely on his work, pointedly _not_ making eye contact with his mother. “Oh, do you know the new owner to the restaurant we went to?” he asked.

“I didn’t realize it had a new owner. I don’t think so. Why do you ask?”

Dean paused but then ultimately shook his head. “Just wondering,” he said. He didn’t know why he chose not to tell her; it just didn’t seem important. “Jo is a nice woman, but I don’t think I see her as anything more than a potential close friend.”

“Are you even giving her a chance, Dean?” Mary asked, exasperated.”You _can’t_ still be on that boy!”

Dean sighed. “Mom, _please_ , stop it! I’m working and I need to focus. Just… I’ll see you later,” he said, going back to his work. His mom stayed silent for a while but eventually left without saying another word. Dean knew he probably upset her, but he couldn’t stand her bringing his ex into the conversation for no reason. It hurt him and she had to _know_ that it hurt him.

 

********

 

“ _Dean? Hey, it’s Jo! I was wondering if you wanted to meet up for some drinks? I saw a bar across the street from the restaurant the other night._ ”

Dean smiled at hearing her voice; it was calming to him. He really liked her. “I still have a few more things to do here, but how about I meet you there in about two hours?” He offered.

“ _Oh, c’mon! Take a break and come have fun!”_ She laughed. Dean looked around at the paperwork and thought for a moment before smiling again.

“You’re right. It’ll still be here when I get back anyways.” He turned off his computer screen and got up. “I’ll be there in ten.”

“ _Yes! That’s what I love to hear. I’ll be waiting here for ‘ya_ ,” she said before the line went dead. Dean put his phone away and grabbed his jacket. He was thankful to Jo for even calling him. She seemed so carefree and loving, and that was something he needed in his life. He used to have Castiel and, honestly, that’s probably why he was so fond of her - even though he hated to admit it.

He grabbed his keys and headed to the front door when he was stopped by his mom.

“Where are you going, honey?” She asked.

“Jo invited me out for a drink in the city, so I'm going there. I'm pretty sure I'll be late, so you don't need to wait up for me. His mom smiled knowingly at him.

“Glad to see you like her, Dean. Have a good time.” Then she walked away, presumably to her bedroom. Dean left the house and started on his way towards the bar, where Jo was waiting for him. He hadn’t felt like genuinely smiling in so long; he was happy.

It had been too damn long.


	2. A Dance and a Drink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoy this chapter! It will be picking up soon, so please subscribe to keep up to date!  
> Much love,  
> CL!

When Dean arrived at the bar, Jo was already waiting for him outside. He quickly shut off the car and got out.

“What are you doing out here? It’s dangerous,” Dean said sternly, but full of concern. Jo scoffed.

“Please, Winchester, I can handle my own, thank you,” she said before breaking out into a smile. “But it’s nice that you’re so concerned for me.” She linked her arm through his.

“Ugh, it’s so loud in there,” Dean said, scrunching his face.

“Yeah, there’s some live talent tonight! Thought you’d like it,” she said, leading him towards the door.

“While that’s sweet and all, I  _ hate _ loud noises,” he explained, slowing down his walk and stalling. Jo tried pulling him.

“Don’t be such a baby, Dean. They have ear plugs.” Dean groaned and gave in, letting Jo lead him inside the bar. It was  _ much _ louder than he thought it would be, causing Dean to wince and attempt to cover his ears. “At least  _ try _ to look like you’re part of the crowd!” Jo yelled into his ear with a huge grin. He made a face at her, silently telling her to shut up.

She grabbed some ear plugs from the bar and handed him a pair. Dean couldn’t put them in fast enough. He sighed in relief when the sounds didn’t hurt as much.

He let Jo lead him to the dance floor when an the next song came on, and he found he didn’t mind it too much when she started dancing against him. He moved his hips with hers, one hand on her waist and the other on her hip, and a smile on his face. They danced for two songs before heading towards the bar again and ordering drinks.

“Oh, man, I haven’t had that much fun in a long time!” He yelled to her, laughing so much his face hurt. She looped her arm through his once more and pressed closer to him, obviously a little more drunk than he had thought. She was probably drinking before he even got there.

“Hey, let’s go dance again!” She called back, trying to pull him back towards the dance floor. He pulled her back.

“Hey, I ain’t young anymore! I’m going to sit, but you go enjoy yourself!” He said. He kissed her forehead and waved her away. She gave him a bright grin before heading off to the dance floor again. Dean watched over her for a while before finding an empty barstool and taking a seat. He nursed his drink, not really wanting to overdo it since he still had to drive home.

Dean really took that opportunity to check the place out. It was dark, but definitely still well-lit, so it didn’t seem too creepy. The lights coming from the stage that the band was currently performing on added extra light, letting him see the faces of the people around him and helping him keep track of Jo on the crowded dance floor. The stage and dance floor took up a majority of the room, but even so, it wasn’t a small building. The bar was against the right wall and against the left wall was a few booths, so people could sit with their party. Towards the back, there was a small hallway that Dean assumed led to the restrooms.

He sat there for a couple minutes, just people-watching and secretly hoping to see a fight break out. It was something Dean was always interested in. Ever since Junior High he’d been wanting to catch a fight  _ anywhere _ , but he always just barely missed it. It used to irk him to no end. He’d grown out of it since then. Mostly. Okay, he still got pissed when he heard he missed a fight.

“Dean!” Jo yelled next to him, catching his attention. “Wanna go back out there?” Dean tilted his head when he realized there was no more deafening instruments. He took out one of his ear plugs and smiled when he heart the soft love song playing. He smiled at the couples sadly.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” he finally answered as he stood and took her hand.

She smiled. “Future reference, you should definitely ask the woman first,” she teased. He laughed softly as he led her to the dance floor.

“In my defense, I had these ear plugs in.”

They found a spot and faced each other, his hands gently moving to her waist while hers went to his neck. They smiled and stared into one another’s eyes as they swayed back and forth.

“I’m glad you changed your mind and decided to come,” Jo said, smiling wider at him. “You always look like you could use a break.”

“Yeah, I feel that way sometimes, too. But work has been helping to keep my mind occupied. Getting even a second to rest is enough for my mind to wander where I try to stay away from,” he admitted. With Jo, he could be honest. It was a new friendship and there was no point of hiding his baggage since she would find out eventually.

“Have you ever thought about seeing anyone? A therapist, maybe?” She asked hesitantly, as though she was afraid Dean would get mad.

“I can work through it on my own, but thank you,” he told her, and he meant it, too. “Besides, this is helping, too. Just getting out and having fun.”

Jo smiled, moving closer to Dean and laying her head on his shoulder. They stayed dancing like that until the song was over. She looked up at him. “I could kiss you right now,” she said softly, as though thinking to herself.

Dean smiled and gently pulled back a little. “You’re drunk. Let’s go get you some water.” He led her to the bar and sighed in relief. He liked Jo, but definitely not like that… at least not yet. He didn’t want to mislead her if he discovered he couldn’t feel that way about her. She let him lead her and thanked him when he handed her the glass of water.

Dean sat next to her, watching her drink for a moment before looking away so as to not make her feel uncomfortable. They sat in a comfortable silence, aside from the music, for a while.

“I shouldn’t be drinking so much,” Jo admitted a little while later. Dean smiled at her sympathetically.

“I know how you feel. But it’s Friday so there’s nothing wrong with letting loose every now and then,” he said reassuringly. She smiled gratefully.

“Thank you,” she said. “The children are wonderful, but sometimes you just  _ need _ to wind down because, boy, are they  _ loud _ .” She giggled and leaned against his shoulder.

“Respect. I’m lucky to be able to work in the solace of my home office,” he chuckled.

“You are lucky, but I wouldn’t change anything.” Another slow song began playing. “Hey, let’s go dance again.” Dean smiled and stood up, his arm around her waist.

“You’re such a sap,” he said fondly. She blushed but said nothing else as they found their way to the dance floor and swayed together. “I realized I never told you… You look wonderful tonight,” Dean said softly, giving her a small smile.

“You know, Dean Winchester, you certainly know how to make someone swoon,” she said seriously despite the playful smile on her face. Dean wasn’t sure how to respond so he kept silent. His heart clenched as he remembered Castiel. He felt like he was somehow cheating on him even though they’d broken up so long ago. Dean felt angry towards himself. Angry at how part, if not all, of him will always belong to Castiel. The man who took his heart and left.

“Uh, there’s someone looking at you,” Jo suddenly said. Dean focused back on her and saw her gaze was over his shoulder. Dean turned and followed Jo’s line of sight. His heart stopped and jumped right into his throat. Jo immediately sensed how tense he became. “Do you know him, Dean?” She asked.

Dean couldn’t catch his breath. Castiel looked normal. He looked fine. He looked as though he hadn’t been struggling as much as Dean. It made Dean feel sick to his stomach. Oh, God, he was definitely going to throw up. Just as Castiel took a step forward, Dean turned away.

“We have to go,” he told Jo quickly as he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the entrance.

“Dean!” He heard Castiel call out. Dean hesitated for a moment, the urge turn back and hear what he has to say strong, but he kept walking. Once they were outside, Jo pulled him to a stop.

“Dean!” She pulled her wrist away as Dean’s grip on had gotten too tight. She rubbed her wrist, the action catching Dean’s eye when he turned to face her.

“I’m sorry, Jo. I didn’t mean to be rough. Can we please just go?” He asked, desperation in his eyes.

“It’s okay. Just- who was that?”

“Castiel,” he said quietly. “Please, I just want to leave.”

Just as she was about to respond, a door opened behind her. “Dean, wait!” It was Castiel. This time, Dean was terrified and frozen on the spot. He shook his head, trying to stop the hurt bubbling up and overflowing. “Please, can we talk?” Castiel said as he made his way closer.

Dean looked up at him with a watery gaze, trying to glare but failing terribly. “Get away from me,” he said, voice trembling. He hated being so emotional sometimes.

Castiel stopped a few feet away, and Jo looked between them with worry. “Dean, I really think we should talk.”

Dean felt anger now surfacing and he scoffed. “You’re five years too late,” he said, almost wanting to laugh at how calm his ex sounded while he was falling apart. Dean looked at Jo and nodded to his car. “Let me take you home.” She nodded and glanced once more at Castiel before walking with Dean to his car.

Neither said anything as they drove away from the bar in complete silence. Normally Dean would insist on music, but he felt too numb to do anything besides focus on getting as far away from Castiel as possible.

“Dean, I’m so sorry,” Jo said just as they parked in front of her place.

“Did you leave your car there?” He asked Jo. Maybe if he could ignore what happened, he wouldn’t have to face it.

“Dean.”

“If you did, I’ll take you back there tomorrow.”

“Dean.”

“I think I’ll go home now. I’m sorry I can’t walk you to your door. I need to get home,” he said, closing the conversation. Jo sat there for another minute before getting out and thanking him for the ride. He gave her a half-hearted smile as she closed the door. Dean stayed there until he saw her enter the building, just to give himself peace of mind.

He did  _ not _ cry himself to sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr! [@castielsangel-blade](https://castielsangel-blade.tumblr.com/)


	3. A Memory and a Feeling

Castiel sat in his office going over the books to his restaurant, but he couldn’t focus. Dean’s face from last night kept intruding on his every thought. The anger and pain in his eyes, the crack in his voice, and the furrow in his brows. Castiel hadn’t even planned to follow him out the bar, but his body just  _ moved _ .

In all honesty, he felt jealousy blooming in the pit of his stomach after seeing Dean dance so intimately with someone else. Someone that wasn’t him. He was aware he didn’t have the right, but it still hurt. Over the past five years, he thought about Dean more often than not. He missed him dearly. He never stopped missing him.

 

_ ******** _

 

_ Castiel held Dean tightly against him as they watched one of Dean’s favorite movies: The Wizard of Oz. Castiel watched Dean adoringly as he quoted all the lines and sang all the songs. _

_ “It really was no miracle. What happened was just this!” Dean sang, mimicking Dorothy’s hand movements. Castiel enjoyed watching his boyfriend more than the movie itself. His heart always swelled with love at the sight. _

_ “Cas, look! You’re missing The Lollipop Guild!” Dean exclaimed, nudging him enthusiastically. “We represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild! And in the name of… the Lollipop Guild…! We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland!” Dean’s smile was so infectious that Castiel couldn’t help chuckling beside him. He pulled Dean closer and kissed his temple. _

_ “God, I love you,” he murmured into the kiss. _

_ “I love you, too, you big sap.” Dean cuddled into Castiel’s side, his eyes never leaving the screen. Castiel settled back into the couch cushions and sighed contently. He thought back to the ring he was currently saving up for. He designed it specially for Dean and was almost bursting with excitement at the thought of getting down on one knee in front of his boyfriend. He’d been saving up for it for the past two years - out of the three they’ve been together. Though if you asked Castiel, he’d tell you he knew he was going to marry Dean when he first met him. _

_ The thing Castiel had always looked for in a partner was humor. He wanted someone who could make him laugh. That happened to be Dean, who told him the joke about the grasshopper who walked into a bar. It wasn’t the joke itself that made him laugh, because it was awful, but rather the way Dean laughed at it himself. They laughed together until their faces were red and could hardly breathe. It was the most Castiel had laughed in a very long time. Instantly, he felt an undeniable attraction to Dean. _

_ After calming down and chatting for a few minutes, Dean began shamelessly flirting with him and telling him horrible pickup lines. That was when Castiel knew. He knew he was going to marry Dean. It wasn’t long after the last Pokemon pickup line that Dean finally just came out and asked him on a dinner date. _

_ “I thought I was going to have to ask you myself,” Castiel responded, biting back a smile even though the look in his eyes gave away how gleeful he was. _

_ “When are you free? I’m free every day after three,” Dean asked with a delighted smile. He wasn’t embarrassed to show Castiel how bouyant he was. _

_ Castiel looked around at the party they were currently attending. Castiel was a family friend of the hosts, and Dean was a client. The party was quiet and rather boring, which led Castiel to smirk up at Dean and say, “What’s stopping us from going now?” _

_ Dean laughed and looked around before pulling Castiel towards the front door. “Then let’s go.” They discarded their drinks by a small decorative table by the door, and even though it was incredibly rude, they couldn’t care less. _

_ “Oh, man, it was way too stuffy in there,” Dean groaned, loosening his bowtie and relaxing his shoulders. _

_ “I couldn’t agree more. I always feel immensely taut attending formal functions such as these,” Castiel admitted as he also loosened his tie. “Besides, the food is way too bland.” _

_ “You got that right. How’s a couple cheeseburgers sound?” _

_ “I know a terrific place that has the best burgers you’ll ever have,” Castiel replied. “Would you like to take my vehicle or yours?” _

_ “Oh, I’ve  _ got _ to show you my Baby. We’re taking mine,” Dean said proudly as he pulled the keys out from his inside tux pocket. Castiel grinned at Dean’s excitement and followed him as Dean led him to a very beautiful, gleaming, black Chevy Impala. _

_ “She’s beautiful, Dean,” Castiel said as they came to a stop by Baby. “May I touch her?” He asked, looking up at Dean to guarantee Dean was fine with it. _

_ “The fact that you called her “she” means I might let you drive her sometime,” Dean laughed. “Go ahead.” Castiel nodded and ran his fingers along her smooth, glossy coat of pain. He could tell Dean loved this car by the way he spoke of her and how well taken care of she was. Normally, Castiel would find a man being this particular into his car very off putting, but something about Dean was making it absolutely charming. _

_ “What year is she?” Castiel asked, finally tearing his eyes away from the vehicle. _

_ “1967, all original parts and everything.” Dean was obviously extremely proud and Castiel thought it might help to look  _ very _ impressed. He wasn’t all that into cars, but there was no way he would ever act disinterested in anything someone was passionate about. _

_ “That’s amazing. She must’ve cost a fortune,” he responded. He realized that might be considered rude, but he didn’t know the correct way to respond. It must’ve been the right thing to say though, because Dean was ecstatic. _

_ “My old man actually passed it down to me. He got this baby for a steal back when he was in his twenties, I think, and he took care of it in hopes to pass it down to his children and here we are! My brother Sammy was pissed, but since I was more handy with cars, Dad gave her to me. Sam is more into his Prius now anyways,” Dean explained. Castiel nodded along to what he was saying, laughing when Dean did because it was so infectious. They stood there in a comfortable silence for a moment, just staring at each other. _

_ Castiel cleared his throat, trying to ignore the burning of his cheeks. “We should get going. It closes in a couple hours,” he said. He was trying not to fidget with his finger, and while it was painful not to, he managed to keep his hands by his sides. _

_ “Yeah, let’s go,” Dean said, before opening the passenger side door for Castiel. _

_ “Thank you,” Castiel replied as he got in. After Dean shut the door, Castiel took a deep breath and exhaled before Dean went around and got it. _

_ “So where’s this restaurant?” Dean asked as he started the car and shifted into drive. _

_ “Well, it’s actually a diner. It’s on seventh street. You’ll know it when you see it,” Castiel explained. He tried his best not to stare at Dean as they drove, but the contentment on his face hypnotized Castiel. As if behind the wheel of his Baby was where he truly belonged. Castiel didn’t even realize he was smiling until Dean was smiling back at him at an empty four-way stop. _

_ “What are you looking at?” Dean asked. _

_ “You,” Castiel replied. “You’re breathtaking…” _

_ Dean tried to hide the blush on his cheeks with a flirty smile while Castiel caught what he had just said  _ out loud _. He cringed and shook his head. _

_ “I apologize. I didn’t mean to say that aloud,” he tried explaining. Dean laughed as he stumbled over his words and continued driving. _

_ “Cas, if we can’t all say what we’re thinking then what’s the point of being able to speak,” Dean said. “I think we’re here?” _

_ Castiel looked out the window and nodded. “Yes, this is the place.” Dean pulled into a parking space and shut off the car. Castiel sat there for a few moments,  just thinking about what Dean said. “I think you’re right, by the way. What is the point of being able to speak if we never say what is on our minds?” He asked quietly, more to himself than Dean. _

_ Dean smiled over at him. “You have something to say?” He asked. Castiel snapped out of his thoughts and looked back at Dean. _

_ He shook his head. “Not right now. I’m starving,” he said. He got out of the car and walked to the front of Baby. Dean was next to him within the minute and the two of them went into the diner. Of course Castiel has to hold the door open for Dean since he’d opened the passenger door for him earlier. “Let’s pick a corner booth.” _

_ Dean led them there and took a seat with his back to the corner. “I like watching people come in,” he explained. _

_ “Well, I do, too, so scoot over,” Castiel said and he forced himself into the seat, effectively pushing Dean over. _

_ “Hey, don’t shove!” Dean laughed, scooting over so Castiel could sit. “You know what I like to do to people who come in?” He asked. _

_ “What?” _

_ “I like to make up elaborate stories about their lives.” Dean had the proudest smirk on his face and it made Castiel laugh. Right at thate moment, a young man walking into the diner, a jingle from the bell on the door signaling his entrance. “Sweet. Okay, so this guy’s name is George, right? Every night he dresses up in a purple bunny suit and eats baby carrots on his couch while… watching The Little Mermaid,” Dean said. _

_ “The Little Mermaid  _ every _ night? Doesn’t that seem a little excessive?” Castiel laughed. _

_ “Pfft, hardly. I watch The Wizard of Oz at least once a day.” _

_ Castiel gaped at him. “You’re joking,” he said. _

_ Dean laughed, shaking his head. “Nope. I’m a proud lover of all things Oz.” _

_ Castiel smiled at the excitement Dean was showing for the classic movie and thought, ‘ _ I’m going to marry this man. _ ’ _

 

********

 

Castiel put his work away and sighed at the time. He was far from finished with work, but being cramped up in his office was suffocating. Now that he’d seen Dean, he couldn’t stand to stay away from him. He was itching to pick up his phone and dial Dean’s phone.

He grabbed his coat, keys, and decided to check out early for the day. He owned  _ 715 Restaurant. _ He could leave if he wanted.

“Where ‘ya headed, boss?” His top employee, Meg, asked. He gave her a little smile. She’d been a trusted employee of his for the last four years. She knew most of his life story, especially the chapter about Dean.

“I’m heading out early, Meg. I trust you can handle it by yourself?” He asked.

“If I  _ really _ need you, I’ll call you. Are you okay?” She asked, concern written all over her face.

“Yes, I’m fine. We’ll talk more later,” he assured her. He gently patted her shoulder and gave her one last smile before leaving.

“Call if you need anything!” Meg called just before the door shut.

Castiel didn’t know what he wanted to do. He didn’t know the right thing to do. He wanted to call Dean and ask to see him. But what right did he have?


	4. A Walk and A Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean takes a walk, but he's not the only one with that idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the week delay in posting this chapter! I had a really bad flare up due to terrible weather and I didn't have the energy to type or think. I hope this chapter makes up from the wait! Leave comments and let me know what y'all think <3
> 
> Much Love,  
> CL

For the last few days, Dean was on autopilot. Numb and unfocused on his work, he fell a little behind which was unusual for him. He liked to stay ahead, by at least a few days, but seeing Castiel again had thrown him off track.

There were times when he was angry, thinking about the nerve Castiel had to even _try_ to talk to him, while the others were spent sinking back into depression. Dean wondered, more often than not, what it was that Castiel wanted to say. It was clawing at his head, wanting him to reach out to his ex and talk. But Dean refrained. Castiel shouldn’t be in his life again.

Jo had tried messaging and calling, but he didn’t feel like talking. Even Mary couldn’t get through to him. He was getting bad again and he didn’t know what could be done to pull himself out this time. It had taken years before he was able to function and a lot of alcohol along the way, so what was he supposed to do _this_ time?

Finally, after a few hours, he gave up on working in general. He wasn’t going to get anything done. Again. Dean let his head fall the short distance to his desk with a _thump_ and sighed angrily. He needed to go clear his head. He needed to leave this room; this house; this damn _city_. He needed to be as far away from Castiel as possible.

He pushed himself out of his chair and grabbed his suit jacket. Better to take a walk around than sit here wallowing in self-pity. He was done with that part of his life. He had to be. It wasn’t like Castiel was at home upset about him - hell, the dude looked _good_. He looked healthy. Dean only hoped that he didn’t look as sick as he felt all these years.

Dean got in his car and drove. He was driving and aware of it but he couldn’t focus. He was just going through the motions as he thought. He wished Castiel had just left him a note. He wished Castiel had just _left_ . Back then, Dean was grateful Castiel told him face to face, but then he soon began thinking about a note being better. _The grass always seems greener on the other side_ , he supposed.

Castiel had come up to him about an hour before the ceremony was supposed to start and told him he couldn’t do it.

_“I don’t want to marry you, Dean. Not anymore.”_

Dean shook the memory away. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t face it yet.

He found himself parked at the Clinton State Park. No matter where he went, it would always connect to his ex. He’d come to terms with that, but it still frustrated him at times. Here at this park, they would walk through it towards the lake and fish. It was a hassle to carry all their equipment that far, but Dean didn’t mind and neither did Castiel. Because they were together and they always had too much fun to even think about complaining.

The good memories are what made Dean get out of his car and start on the walk towards the lake. His heart was hurting, but he still smiled because no matter how _angry_ he was, he was still completely in love with Castiel. Dean had never thought about dating anyone else. He didn’t care for getting married and starting a family anymore because it wouldn’t be with Castiel. He could _never_ one-hundred-percent give his heart to someone else and that wasn’t fair.

Dean felt his eyes water and laughed at himself. The mood swings were hitting hard today. He was thankful it was the middle of the workday and no one else was here or they’d see his red face covered in tears and grief. The tears were down his jaw and neck, no doubt messing up his suit but Dean didn’t bother wiping them away. He _needed_ to let this out.

He’d held it in for far too long, so he didn’t even feel embarrassed when a soft sob left his mouth; he just slowed to a stop and shut his eyes tightly as he let himself cry. All the memories, all the laughs, all the late night, and all the kisses he shared with Castiel sprang to his mind, torturing his heart. He gasped, sobbing a little harder and that’s how he stayed for a few minutes before shaking himself out of it. He eventually wiped his face with his pocket handkerchief and cleared his throat. He continued walking the path.

It wasn’t much longer before he reached the lake. Not that it mattered to Dean. The walk was his favorite part. He stood at the edge of the lake and looked around before taking in a deep breath and smelling the water. He sighed happily. This was something not even Castiel could ruin for him. He felt such peace here. And the cry certainly helped.

He stood there for a moment before picking up a rock and throwing it as far as he could, smiling when it splashed a good amount away. He picked another one up and repeated, laughing after a while when he let go too late and it landed almost close enough to get him a little wet.

Once his arm began to ache a little, Dean walked towards a bench slightly hidden by an overgrown tree and sat. He leaned back, stretching his legs out and groaned at the creak in his joints. He _definitely_ wasn’t getting any younger. Dean sighed in contentment for the time being, letting his head fall back and shutting his eyes to just forget about everything. Even if just for a minute.

Everything was silent and yet speaking to him all at once. The rustle of leaves in the wind, the sound of sloshing water, the whistling of birds, and the sounds of gravel crunching under the weight of shoes. Wait. It wasn’t him. Dean picked his head back up and looked over to see who was there. Not too many people came out here during the weekday, so his curiosity was getting the best of him.

He froze when he saw the posture of the man standing at the edge of the ater, just as he had been not too long ago. He knew that hairstyle and that fashion anywhere. It was Castiel. His heart began racing; he needed to get out of there. He quickly stood up as quietly as he could and turned around, making his way back to the trail from behind the trees. What were the odds of running into Castiel _here_? Why was he here? It was the middle of the day, so shouldn’t he be literally anywhere else?

“Are you just going to leave?” Castiel asked. Dean slightly jumped at the sound of his ex lover’s voice. He was sure he wasn’t going to be spotted. He sighed, but kept his back to Castiel.

“Yes,” he said.

“Please, Dean, I’d like to talk to you. Explain myself,” Castiel pleaded. Dean felt his heart breaking. He _needed_ to leave, for his own sake and yet, sadly, he couldn’t bring his body to move. “I didn’t think you still came out here. It’s always quite pleasing out here.”

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“You remember the last time we were out here?” Castiel asked. “Just a couple hours of fishing in silence, just taking in the sound of everything around us. I looked over at you often and you were always staring right back at me.” His voice sounded so soft and _fond_ and Dean couldn’t help but want to turn around and face. He refrained, afraid that he would try to reach out and touch Castiel. He tensed even more when he heard footsteps behind him, getting closer and closer until they were _right_ behind him.

“What do you _want_?” Dean finally asked, almost defeatedly.

“I just want to talk,” came the answer. Dean shook his head vehemently.

“ _No_. I’ve spent…” Dean sighed once more and finally gave in. He turned around and faced Castiel with such a hard look in his eyes. “I’ve spent too long trying to _forget_ just for you to come back. So I’m sorry if you’re feeling guilty, but I refuse to let you crush me again just to clear your conscience.” Now Dean was furious again. He clenched his fists, trying to keep from yelling at the man standing in front of him.

Castiel stood there, expressionless. If Dean couldn’t read him like a book, he would just think Castiel didn’t give a damn about what he just said, but it was the look in his eyes. He was upset. Dean scoffed internally. _Good_ , he thought.

“It’s true that I’d like to explain myself, but not for the reason you think,” Castiel finally reacted. He looked down at his shoes, an act that Dean never associated with him. Castiel was always very confident in what he did, always spoke with such certainty, but right now, he was _nervous_. “I’d just like to tell you why I left.”

“Why don’t you start with why you’re even here.”

“I’ve been back for a couple years. I had seen you around, but never wanted to bother you, so I stayed away,” Castiel explained.

Dean took a step forward. “Then why didn’t you stay out of my sight?!” He yelled, tears once again springing to his eyes. He thought back to when he saw him at the bar and frowned deeper. “Please don’t tell me you only spoke to me because you saw me with another person. Taking nine years of my life wasn’t enough, or what?!” He was _seething_. He was finally, _finally_ slowly moving on and Castiel wanted to come back just to keep Dean on his hooks. It was sick. Dean didn’t know who Castiel was anymore.

Castiel shook his head. “No! That’s definitely not it. I even paid for your meal the other night at the restaurant,” he said to appease Dean. “And the bar was a coincidence. I had already been wanting to contact you!” He explained quickly. Dean faltered.

“That… That was you?” He asked, voice feeble and trembling. “I can’t believe it.” He took that step back again. “I don’t need your help in taking care of myself or my date, I assure you.” He glared hard at Castiel. “Don’t do it again.”

“I’m sorry for crossing a line, Dean,” he responded.

“You crossed a line when you spoke to me again. You can’t do this to me, _Castiel_.” And there it was. He’d only called Castiel by his full name to him once and that was when they first met. Castiel was shocked. They stood there in silence for a minute before Dean rolled his shoulders. “I need to go. I have more work to do.”

Castiel looked at his watch. “It’s three in the afternoon. Aren’t you already finished with work?”

Dean scoffed, shaking his head. “I need a drink,” he laughed breathily. Castiel seemed taken aback.

“Since when do you drink?” Castiel inquired.

“There’s a lot about me that’s changed,” Dean replied simply. He gave Castiel one more glance, hesitating a little before finally just turning away and starting on the long walk back to his car. Castiel still looked amazing and he was still as nice as before, but Dean had to move on. He had to learn to walk away from things that weren’t meant for him anymore. Even though he will always love Castiel, the other man had made his choice when he left him. Dean needed to learn to accept that.

Castiel didn’t call after him. He didn’t follow him. He didn’t even try to stop him.

It was probably the only trait of Castiel’s that Dean loathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor edits made on Saturday May 18th, 2019.


	5. A Memory and A Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Castiel's words, this is what happened. Listen closely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post this chapter a day early to make up for the delay last week! As always, this chapter was edited by my amazing friend, Kate! Without her, this story wouldn't be going as smoothly as it is right now <3 I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Leave me some comments telling me how you did or did not like it; I'd greatly appreciate it.
> 
> Much Love, CL

Castiel stood there, watching Dean’s retreating figure until he was out of sight. It was only then that he let out a breath he’d been holding. Seeing Dean had always made his heart race, but hearing his voice really stopped it.

He turned back to the lake and sighed. He came back from his parents home in New York two years ago after he decided to tell Dean  _ why _ he left, but whenever he’d spotted him out with Mary Winchester, he lost that courage. There was no way Dean would believe him over his mother.

 

_ “Castiel, I’ll give you one last chance. If you don’t leave Dean  _ right now _ , I will make your life a living hell. We both know Dean needs to marry someone worth him. Someone in his class, not some wannabe chef from the slums of New York,” Mary said, her voice was calm but full of malice. Castiel sighed heavily as he tried to fix his bowtie in the mirror. Ever since they announced their engagement two years prior, Mary had done whatever she could to break them apart. _

_ It was small things at first. She would call Dean every time they made plans to spend time together or go on a date that he hardly even saw his fiance. It was fine at first, because Castiel understood they were business people which made them extremely busy, but then Dean would tell him it was because she wanted him to do simple things around the house. Things like water the garden, rub her feet, watch a television show with her, help her search for things that were in plain sight, and even walk their dog when there was a person they hired to do exactly that. _

_ Castiel thought it was odd at the time and decided he would just help Dean in doing those things so they could spend that time together. Dean was happy about it and happily agreed, and the next time Mary called Dean back home, Castiel went with him. Castiel saw that it threw Mary off and it confused him. He was starting to get the idea that she didn’t like him as much as she first let on, but he tried to shake it the feeling off. Because of his anxiety, he thought many people didn’t like him at all when it was the complete opposite so he learned to ignore that voice in his head. _

_ But after the second time he showed up with Dean, Mary started asking him if he could give them privacy to discuss confidential business matters, which okay, that was understandable, but Dean told him everything anyways. Castiel had begun to assume Mary didn’t know that at all so he kept his mouth shut. After that, Dean complained about Mary bringing up so many things he had already completed and insisted going back over it right when he mentioned going back to Castiel. _

_ It wasn’t until Dean announced they were moving in together that Castiel knew for certain that Mary didn’t like him. She made up multiple excuses about how she didn’t like being alone and with Sam so far away, she wanted to Dean to stay with her. About how her health was slowly declining so she was concerned what would happen if she were alone and collapsed. Castiel knew she was in perfect health seeing as she was just playing tennis quite well; she wasn’t even struggling to breathe. Dean became very worried about his mother. _

_ “Why didn’t you tell me your health was bad, mom?” Dean asked. Castiel sat forward a little more, also interested to hear why she waited until now to say anything. He was becoming very frustrated. _

_ “Oh, honey. I just didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t realize you had been thinking about moving out so soon,” she replied, her voice soft and apologetic, but Castiel knew that was a front. Dean held his mother’s hand and turned to Castiel with a sad smile. Dean was going to to decline his offer to find a place together. _

_ Then he got an idea. _

_ “Dean, you can’t possibly leave Mary while she’s in this condition,” he said. “In fact, why don’t I just move in? It would be better to have two extra people here in case Dean is busy working in the office. I can pay rent as well.” This shocked both Mary and Dean. He gave Dean a sweet smile before locking eyes with Mary and quirking his brow at her once Dean looked away, pointedly challenging her. Her gaze hardened and that’s when Castiel knew she knew he was aware of what she was trying to do. _

_ “That’s a great idea! How’s that sound, mom?” Dean asked happily. Castiel and Mary were having a stare down until she even broke it to look at Dean. _

_ “That sounds terrific, sweetheart. Thank you so much, Castiel,” she said with a tight smile. Castiel gave her curt smile back. Castiel didn’t like the fact that she couldn’t be up front with him, that she was resorting to immature behavior to get her own way. It wasn’t going to work with him. He loved Dean too much to let his mother get between them. _

_ The day after he moved in, he cooked breakfast for all three of them and they enjoyed a pleasant morning together. Castiel thought Mary had decided to quit her behavior now that he had challenged her, but he was mistaken when, the minute Dean, left she crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. _

_ “You just couldn’t go easily, could you?” She asked. He blinked at her, definitely surprised she was confronting him. _

_ “Given your past behavior, I figured we were just going to dance around the subject,” he answered. _

_ She scoffed. “You’ve got some nerve, Castiel.” _

_ “That’s generally how the real world works, Mary. You either grow a backbone or you don’t make it.” He‘d been talked down to all his life and he didn’t need another person he had initially trusted to do the same to him. “You’re a good actress. I genuinely believed you liked me at first,” he said before taking the last bite of his pancakes. _

_ “I want you to leave Dean. Now.” _

_ Castiel stood and took both their empty plates to the sink. “I love Dean. I refuse to leave him simply because his mother doesn’t like me,” he said honestly. While he had always dreamed of having a wonderful relationship with in-laws, it wasn’t going to be a deal breaker now that he’d found someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. _

_ “You think Dean wouldn’t leave you the second I tell him to?” She asked, also standing so as to not feel small. _

_ “The real question is if you’re willing to look like the bad guy by forbidding him from marrying the man he loves.” _

_ She stayed silent. _

_ “I thought so. Since you haven’t already said anything to him, I can tell you  _ really  _ care how he sees you.” Castiel turned on the water and set out washing all the dishes. He enjoyed doing the task; it worked as his meditation and seeing how Mary was acting, he knew he was going to be doing this very often. _

_ “We’ll see how long you last here,” Mary said before leaving the room. He let his shoulders slump, already exhausted but he had to win this. He couldn’t leave Dean for something as simple as this. Castiel could last forever, especially for the man he loved. _

_ The past few weeks after that had been hell. He and Mary were constantly bickering when Dean wasn’t around, and while Castiel enjoyed how much time he spent with him, he was getting exhausted. _

_ “Dean, I was thinking that we should go on vacation somewhere,” Castiel suggested one night. Dean looked worried. _

_ “What about mom? We can’t just leave her alone.” _

_ “Well, Sam is coming back next week. And I know you miss him, but how about we vacation for one week and spend the following week with him?” Castiel pushed. He peppered kisses along Dean’s jaw and neck, hoping that would persuade him. Dean seemed hesitant, but eventually agreed. _

_ “You know what? That sounds good. I feel like we hardly get any alone time together,” Dean responded with a soft smile. “Is there any place you want to go? Out in the country, on the beach, where?” Dean asked. _

_ “I’m fine with anywhere as long as we’re out of here, together,” Castiel said. Dean held him tighter and kissed him with such love. _

_ Within the next couple of days, they planned the trip after having decided on the beach. It was right before summer and the perfect chance to go. It wouldn’t be too busy. Dean rented them a small beach house for the weekend while Castiel got their things in order and bought them beach supplies. They weren’t going to tell Mary until Sam arrived from California so she wouldn’t worry enough to affect her health, or that’s at least what Castiel told Dean. Mary would try to ruin their plans if given enough time; Castiel didn’t even want her to know where they were going. _

_ Mary aside, Castiel was excited to finally meet Sam in person. They had talked on the phone on occasion if Dean needed to do something while speaking with Sam, and Castiel really liked him. He was also very smart and loved Dean a whole lot. Castiel thought he and Sam had quite a few similarities, so much so that he thought about telling Sam what was going on with Mary, but he never followed through with the urge. It was getting harder and harder because he was alone in this. None of his friends lived here and couldn’t understand what he was facing. _

_ “Sam’s coming back home tomorrow, honey! Are you happy to get to spend some time with him?” Mary asked Dean one evening while eating dinner. Castiel always cooked and Mary didn’t even respect him enough to say thank you; that was one of the things that bothered him most. Dean didn’t even notice. _

_ Dean nodded, his mouth full with spaghetti. Castiel chuckled and wiped some sauce off of Dean’s chin. “You’re such a messy eater sometimes,” he laughed, his hardened eyes going soft with love. Dean laughed with him, a blush staining his cheeks. _

_ “Castiel, don’t you think Dean is old enough to do that by himself?” Mary asked, a seemingly playful smile on her lips, but Castiel knew better. _

_ “Of course. I just enjoying doing it,” he replied, never taking his eyes from Dean’s face. _

_ “Castiel loves taking care of me, mom,” Dean said proudly. “Isn’t he amazing?” He asked her rhetorically. Mary hummed but didn’t say anything else. _

_ “Castiel, I don’t mean to complain, but this spaghetti is a little bit bland,” she said, mock apologetic. _

_ Castiel tilted his head. “Really? It tastes fine to me and  _ obviously _ to Dean as well,” he chuckled, really trying to hold in how disrespected he was. He got up and went into the kitchen, coming back with the spices he used on dinner. He set them down in front of her and smiled. “Here you go, Mary. You can season it to your personal taste; I’m really sorry you didn’t like it.” _

_ Castiel noticed Dean give his mother a look, silently telling her that she was being rude, but Mary ignored it. Castiel watched as Mary seasoned her spaghetti and he knew she was lying because that dish was the first one he learned how to make when he was ten; it was his specialty. Both Dean and Castiel watched as Mary took a bite of her food with a straight face and he softly chuckled when Mary grimaced at the taste. Dean smiled at Castiel and held his hand as they continued eating the rest of their dinner. _

 

To Castiel, those times were extremely difficult, but also the best years of his life. Without Dean, his life left colorless, and he wanted to at least right his wrong. Castiel was still very much in love with him and even if Dean didn’t want to take him back, Castiel at least owed him the truth. It was the telling him that was difficult and while he thought about going to pay him a visit at his home, he didn’t want to go there uninvited and he  _ definitely _ didn’t want to see Mary. She would do everything she could to send Castiel away again.

Castiel watched the water ripple from a strong gust of wind, his eyes following the small tide that was created on the gravel below him. He moved his sight down to the bigger rocks near his feet and gingerly picked it up; he always wondered why Dean took such an interest in throwing them and then proceeded to throw it as hard as he could. After a few moments, he understood. He picked up as many rocks as he could hold and threw them as fiercely as he could, his breathing becoming heavier and heavier. Castiel wasn’t an angry person. At least, he tried not to be, but it felt  _ amazing _ to be able to let it out, especially since he wasn’t capable of crying anymore.

“Goddamn it,” he cursed to himself. With a sore shoulder, he took off walking back to his car. He should’ve just gone home.


	6. A Dish and A Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jo is a good friend.   
> Dean can't make up his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, this chapter was beta'd by the Dean to my Cas, Kate <3  
> I apologize for the delay in posting this chapter. I felt highly unmotivated to write and I didn't want to force out a crappy chapter. Hopefully y'all enjoy this!
> 
> Much Love,  
> CL

Dean sat in his car for a few minutes partially hoping Castiel would come after him, but then kicked himself for it and quickly drove off, the tires peeling off the gravel. Dean thought about the safe haven that was his home and then about all the work he had left to do. He was definitely going to have to hear another lecture from Mary about not doing the work that needs to be done and while he loved her with all his heart, she could definitely be overbearing, more so with  Dean rather than Sam. Sure, Sam was her baby, but Dean was the only one willing to work at the company and he only agreed so Sam could have his own life; one without the pressures of the business world and their mother breathing down his neck. He wanted Sam to do the great things he wanted to, and if that meant sacrificing his own life then so be it. And that’s what he did. Sam was happy as could be and it made Dean strong enough to keep going.

He parked at home and sat there for a while, thinking, once again, about nothing and everything all at once. He was completely zoned out that he jumped when his cell phone rang right next to him; he fumbled for it and saw that it was Sam, a smile immediately gracing Dean’s face.

“Heya, Sammy! Miss your big brother?” Dean said as a greeting, smiling wider when Sam scoffed.

“ _ You wish. I was calling to see if you’re still able to pick me up at the airport Friday _ ?” Sam asked.

“Yeah. You excited to come home?”

“ _ Oh, yes. I miss home cooking. I’m tired of takeout and instant noodles. The same chef is still at the house, right? I know how mom gets when something isn’t to her liking, _ ” Sam huffed. “ _ She better not have fired him. He made the  _ best _ spaghetti, well, aside from Cas’s-... Sorry. _ ”

Dean sighed. “Don’t worry about it. It’s been five years. The dude made good spaghetti, I’ll admit it,” Dean said with a tight smile. “And next time you want some answers, just ask the questions, Sammy.” Dean knew his brother better than anyone else.

Sam chuckled. “ _ Sorry. There was really no way to actually bring him into a conversation. I guess I’ll just ask. So I know he’s in town and I know he’s been wanting to talk to you. So why aren’t you getting the answers  _ you _ want? _ ”

Dean was silent, unable to produce an answer.

“ _ I know you’re hurting, but that’s just even more of a reason to talk it over and just be done with it. _ ”

“I’m not going to talk with him just because he feels bad. Five years came and went, man. If he actually felt an ounce of remorse, he would’ve done it earlier. And anyways, how do you even know?” Dean asked, leaning his head back on the headrest to the driver’s seat.

“ _ He and I are still friends, Dean. Granted, he didn’t actually reach out to me until, like, a few months ago. _ ”

“Look, Sam, I’ll eventually talk to him, but I just need time to settle my thoughts before actually doing that. And part of me also wants him to just stew in it for a bit, like I did,” Dean admitted, his voice low in shame.

Sam laughed softly. “ _ That’s dark. But I get it. There’s no rush. So I’ll see you in a few days? _ ”

“Yeah. Text me the night before though. The days have been running together lately.”

“ _ You got it _ .” They hung up. Dean tossed his phone down on the seat next to him and sighed, his entire body slumping with exhaustion. He glanced over to their grand home and realized that he didn’t want to be anywhere near there, but he had no other friends he could trust. But then again…

_ Jo. _

He put the car in drive and headed down the way to her place. It was far enough and safe enough and it was sure as hell better than the temptation that was Castiel. Dean knew he should call her, ask if he could go, but he just couldn’t stop driving. He didn’t want to. Dean was feeling lost and Jo was unfamiliar. She wouldn’t judge him for anything he said or how his behavior was. She was new and maybe she even understood how he was feeling.

Her place was located quite a bit of ways away, in a really nice neighborhood and Dean was thankful for that. He knew she was safe. He knocked on Jo’s door and waited, grateful that he’d walked her to her door the day after they met Castiel, his foot tapping with nerves. He’d been ignoring her calls and texts, so he was afraid she was angry with him.

“Coming!” He heard her call when he knocked again. He took a deep breath and she opened the door. She blinked at him when her eyes laid on him. “Dean? Are you okay?” She asked.

“I was, uh, wondering if I could stay here for the night. I’m aware that it isn’t very gentlemanly, but I just don’t want to be anywhere near my house,” he admitted, his eyes averting away from hers.

“Yeah, come in. Did something happen?” She asked, stepping aside to let him in. Dean walked in, looking around at all the drawing hung along the wall all from her kids. Most of them were drawings of what looked to be portraits of Jo herself next to a different kid each drawing; They made Dean smile. “Dean?” Jo called, the front door already closed and locked behind her.

Dean snapped to, looking back at her and giving her a feeble smile. “I’m okay, Jo, thanks. I just… wanted to come and see you.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “You’ve ignored me how long? And now you want to see me?”

Dean really looked apologetic. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been really... _ off _ lately. My mind has been preoccupied. With… Castiel,” he admitted. He  _ hated _ how one-track his mind was. “God, I sound so fucking pathetic talking about him all the time!” He huffed, shaking his head as if the thoughts would just shoot out of his head.

“Did something happen?” Jo asked, her arms falling to her side and her worry becoming more apparent over her anger. Dean shrugged, a sigh falling from his lips. “Let’s go sit. Do you want something to drink?” She led him to her living room where a recliner, coffee table, and loveseat decorated the room, the black pillows accentuating the warm, brown tone of the room. It was messy with books, stray mugs here and there, a throw blanket sprawled across the loveseat, and even more drawings from her class.

Dean shook his head as he sat down on the loveseat in response to her question. “No, thank you.” She took a seat next to him, placed her hand on his forearm, and waited. He felt such comfort in the warmth radiating off of her and leaned into the touch. “I went for a walk earlier today,” he eventually started.

Her grip on him tightened a little. “Where did you go?” She asked when he didn’t say anything more.

“I went to the lake. Castiel and I used to go there quite a bit when we had the time,” Dean answered. “I walked the entire trail from the park to the lake and just threw rocks. I thought about everything on my mind, which has been him since that night at the bar, and just embraced it in that moment. It felt good.”

Jo leaned her head on his shoulder. “But?”

“But then he eventually showed up.”

Jo got tense for a moment before relaxing again. “Castiel?” Dean nodded.

“I was trying to just walk away without him seeing since I was sitting on a bench that was hidden, but he caught me. Told me that he wanted to explain himself,” Dean explained, leaning his own head back against hers.

“So … Do you finally know why he left?” Jo questioned.

“No. I didn’t let him tell me. For a purely selfish and probably evil reason. I wanted him to suffer with it. I don’t want him to just tell me to clear his conscious, you know?” He said, slightly squirming with shame. He didn’t want to feel like this.

“I understand, Dean. But look what it’s doing to you. Is it really worth it?” Jo asked after a minute of silence.

Dean let out a self deprecating chuckle. “What do you think,” he said, the smile disappearing from his face.

Jo gently stroked his arm, giving it one final squeeze before sitting straight up and standing. “Let me make us some dinner,” she said. “You look like you could use something to eat.” It was perfect timing since Dean’s stomach took that chance to growl, causing Jo to giggle. He hadn’t been eating much the past few days; he hadn’t felt that hungry lately. Dean moved to the kitchen and watched her work, his mind filling with memories of Castiel in his kitchen, humming a classic rock song as he moved about.

“The more I think about it, you know, the more I feel that I should just sit down and have that talk with him,” he said, resting his chin on his hand.

Jo laughed. “You’re so wishy washy, Dean,” she said. “Either decide that you are or you aren’t and stick with it.” Dean didn’t have anything to say, but he knew she was right. Eventually, he was going to have to get those answers and  _ maybe _ forgive his ex.

“What are you making?” Dean finally asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Spaghetti,” Jo said, smiling back at him. Dean couldn’t help but laugh. He laughed so much that tears came to his eyes, or maybe he was just crying again. Jo looked extremely confused, but eventually smiled and sat down across from him as everything cooked.

Damn it. He’s going to have to talk to Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please leave me some comments letting me know how you did or did not like this chapter :))


	7. A Laugh and A Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is fed up and present Castiel makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my late update. It seems my condition is evolving (I have fibromyalgia) and it's been difficult focusing and remembering how to write and do other certain things. I know I shouldn't ask, but if someone could send me any encouraging words, I'd really appreciate it. 
> 
> On another note, my beta has been feeling under the weather so this chapter is not beta'd. All mistakes and possibly confusing lines are mine. If something doesn't make sense please comment and let me know and I'll fix it! Thank you <3
> 
> Much Love,  
> CL

When he was stressed about something, Castiel worked. So that’s what he did. He worked all day long at his restaurant,  from opening to closing, with absolutely no break these past couple of days. Texting messaging with Sam had been helping him greatly, along with Meg being a huge help around his business, but his mind was still completely occupied.

“Cas! Get your ass out here. We have an unexpected rush!” Meg yelled through his office door. Castiel smiled fondly at her brash nature and stood up. He knew she meant well and that it was just her personality, so he never took it personally. He checked his phone for messages from Sam since he was flying in today from California and was slightly disappointed when there was nothing there. He’d been confiding in Sam about Dean and asking for advice here and there, but lately the urge to tell Sam the truth about everything had been extremely strong. But he just couldn’t bring himself to.

Castiel came out and found his restaurant packed. It was filled with men dressed in business attire, which meant there had been a meeting nearby. Castiel hated business work with a passion. He saw how unhappy it made Dean throughout their relationship, but when Castiel suggested he quit and find something he loved, Dean was adamant about continuing. Castiel never understood why. Dean never spoke about it and he didn’t push it anymore than that, figuring Dean would just explain when he was ready. The time never came though; their relationship ended before it could.

Castiel knew it was his fault. He never told Dean or Sam what was happening because he thought he could take it all on his own, but it became too difficult.

 

_ “Mary, why hadn’t you introduced us to Castiel before? He’s such a terrific young man, handsome, too. A perfect match for Dean. Unlike you to our John,” Mille Winchester, Mary’s mother-in-law, said with a smirk. Mary rolled her eyes and Castiel tried to pretend he wasn’t in the room. He’d never met Dean’s grandmother, but he felt himself hiding a smile at hearing someone put Mary in her place. _

_ “Ah, Millie, it’s always such a great time having you here. Don’t you have children to be terrorizing this time of day? They should be getting out of school by now,” Mary delivered back with ease. Castiel kept his eyes on his work, preparing a late lunch for the family. He was just making some simple sandwiches, packed with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, cheese, bacon, and avocado. _

_ “Castiel, dear, when are you and Dean planning on getting married?” Millie asked, completely ignoring Mary. Castiel hid a smirk. _

_ Well, it’s hard to say. I suppose once the business is more stable and I find a secure job as a chef,” he said, thinking about it for a moment. “Then we might get started on it.” He and Dean hadn’t exactly discussed the wedding since getting engaged, what with Mary always calling on Dean for something. It had already been a few months since Castiel moved in and they’ve hardly spoken about the wedding aside from what month they’d like to do it in. Thankfully, with Sam coming this week, they could actually discuss things more in-depth. Castiel was looking forward to it. _

_ “Well, you both better get right to it, then!” Millie said encouragingly. Mary tensed. _

_ “They don’t have to rush to get married. After all, they hadn’t even been dating long when Dean proposed,” Mary offered. Millie scoffed. _

_ “Please, Mary, my John mistakenly proposed to you after dating you for a few weeks and then you two didn’t waste time in getting married since it happened a month later. If anything, Dean and Castiel are very behind.” _

_ Mary exhaled through her nose. “Yes, I understand that, but I’m just saying that maybe Dean rushed into it. He doesn’t even know Castiel all that well.” _

_ “Are you finally admitting that John rushed into marrying you? That he never knew what a conniving hag you are?” Millie said with a condescending smile. Castiel couldn’t hold back a small laugh and immediately turned away just as he saw Mary glare at him. _

_ “Is there something funny, Castiel?” Mary asked, voice tight with anger. Castiel took a deep breath before turning back to her with a clueless look. _

_ “You’ll have to forgive me for being too loud. I was watching a little clip on my phone that was funny; I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation,” he said, getting back to making the sandwiches. _

_ Mary hummed. “Maybe if you paid attention while preparing lunch or dinner, then maybe it wouldn’t taste so bland,” she said. _

_ Millie gasped. “Mary!” She scolded. _

_ “You can’t multitask? Is that why you have a cook?” Castiel said, the anger and frustration getting the best of him. Millie smiled. _

_ “It seems Castiel knows how to deal with you,” she said to Mary before smiling back at Castiel. “Don’t worry, dear, she’s just threatened by you. _

_ “Yes, I know, but that doesn’t give her a reason to treat me like garbage. Mille, your sandwich is ready and I hope it is to your liking. Mary, you can make your own to ensure it doesn’t taste “bland”,” Castiel said. He took Millie’s plate and set it down in front of her on the table along with a glass of tea. “Please, enjoy your lunch. I’m going to find Dean to spend his lunch with him. It was a pleasure meeting you, Millie.” _

_ Millie smiled at him again and squeezed his hand when he shook hers. He didn’t even glance at Mary nor speak to her before turning away and heading out towards Dean’s office. He was finally going to say something to him about Mary and he wasn’t going to hold back, but his courage wavered as soon as he was standing in front of Dean’s office. _

_ “Just do it, Cas!” He whispered to himself. He took a deep breath and stormed inside. _

_ “Dean, I can’t deal with your mother anymore! She’s absolutely horrible to me when you’re not around and I’m not going to just sit back and take it anymore,” he said as he walked in. He was breathing heavily from the anger he was feeling but instantly deflated when he saw Dean had his high quality headphones on with his eyes closed. Dean was relaxing and Castiel didn’t want to make him upset. He sighed and just let it go. _

_ He closed the door behind him and locked it, so Mary couldn’t just walk in anymore, before walking closer to Dean and just taking him in. His long lashes and strong jaw, his slender neck and broad shoulders, the curve of his nose and the soft pink hue of his lips. Castiel hummed appreciatively at his fiance’s looks, but that wasn’t all of Dean. _

_ Dean was kind, hardworking, honest, and funny. He knew he’d love Dean no matter what came his way. He knelt down in front of Dean’s sitting form and put his hands on Dean’s thigh, massaging them. Dean’s eyes bolted open and he tensed before realizing it was Castiel, and then he smiled. Neither said a word as Castiel worked Dean’s pants and boxers down his thighs, only their breathing and the faint sound of Dean’s music, which was still playing through the headphones on his head, was audible in the room. _

_ Castiel gripped Dean’s member, stroking it until Dean was fully hard and then giving it a slight squeeze. Dean’s moans were soft and his cheeks were turning pink. Castiel would never get tired of watching Dean fall apart at his hands. He took Dean in his mouth, working his tongue over him until he could swallow around Dean, his eyes slipping closed. Castiel hummed when he felt Dean’s hands on his head, tugging gently at his hair which was beginning to curl at his neck. _

_ Dean gasped softly when Castiel hollowed his cheeks, gaining a rhythm. “Cas…” _

_ Castiel pushed his hands between Dean and his chair so he could squeeze at Dean’s ass and tug him closer. He pulled off with a small gasp. “Dean,” he moaned brokenly, licking his lips. “Love you.” He sank his mouth back down on him, moaning at the taste. It wasn’t long before Dean’s grip on his hair tightened and he let out a loud groan as he finished. Castiel eagerly swallowed, his head moving until Dean gently moved him off. _

_ Dean finally took his headphones off, giving Castiel a smile. “Mm, what did I do to deserve that?” He asked. Castiel moved onto his lap, kissing him tenderly. _

_ Castiel laughed softly, “Can’t I surprise my fiance with a blowjob every now and then?” He teased. _

_ “Hey, I’m not complaining. I’d love one every day if I could have it my way.” Dean pulled him in for another kiss. _

 

Castiel delivered the bill to the last of the business men for the night and sighed in relief. It was always busy on Fridays, so he hadn’t even thought to check his phone until they were closing up at ten. He had a few messages from Sam.

“ _ Just landed.” _

_ “I was thinking we could have drinks tonight? Let me know when you get off work” _

_ “Maybe not tonight. Dean is acting weird” _

The last one was sent barely thirty minutes ago. He quickly messaged back.

“ _ Is Dean okay?” _

A few minutes later, a response. “ _ He’s thinking about you _ ”

Castiel froze and he shakily replied. “ _ Where are you? I’ll be there. I want to see him again. _ ”

Castiel was positive he needed to tell the Winchester’s what happened. He needed to come clean, so that’s what he’d do. He wasn’t going to stop himself anymore. Dean was suffering and it was all his fault.


	8. A Slammed Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel tells Sam and Dean discovers something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter edited by me so I apologize if their are any mistakes! My beta, Kate, is getting some much needed rest, so I'll be editing for the time being.  
> Please enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Much Love,  
> CL

“Dean, just go see him. He lives at the Brooksfield Apartment, C113. Just  _ go _ ,” Sam said as he downed the last of his beer. Dean wavered a little bit, slowly wiping the condensation from the bottle with his finger. “Oh, my God. Why are you being so difficult about it?” Sam complained. Dean rolled his eyes; Get a few bears in his little brother and he really tells it like it is.

Dean scoffed, “It’s not that easy, Sammy.”

“Yeah, it actually is,” Sam replied instantly. Sam fumbled for his phone when it went off from a message and then quieted down. “Just, drink your damn beer. I wanna stay out as long as possible.”

“You haven’t even seen mom yet,” Dean grumbled.

Sam sighed, “Look, I love mom. I do. But she can get so… just overbearing. It’s too much. I don’t know how you can be with her literally all of the time.”

Dean gives him a look. “I didn’t know you felt that way,” he admitted, looking over at Sam. Sam wasn’t even paying attention to him, just texting away on his phone. “Textin’ your girlfriend there, Chief?” Dean asked.

He didn’t miss Sam rolling his eyes. “I don’t have a girlfriend, Dean,” he sighed. “But I did meet someone in one of my classes this semester. Thinking about asking her on a date.”

Dean smiles and felt his chest swell with pride for his little brother. “Yeah? Well, I say go for it, Sammy,” he said, clapping him on the shoulder. 

Sam smirked, “Why don’t you take your own advice?” Dean rolled his eyes.

“In my own time,” Dean replied. He finally took a second drink of his beer and grimaced at the warm temperature of it. He didn’t even realize he’d been sitting there stewing in his own pity for that long.

Suddenly, Sam perked up. “I gotta go to the restroom. Watch my seat,” he said as he stood. Dean looked around the almost empty bar.

“Shouldn’t be too hard. Have fun,” Dean said, waving him off. Sam seemed to hesitate for a moment before finally just walking off. Dean sighed, just sliding the half empty beer bottle from hand to hand across the table; he hadn’t been to this bar before so he didn’t know anyone and the vibe felt just  _ off _ . It felt cold and unwelcoming and Dean couldn’t help but think that it was because Castiel had never brought him out here. There were no memories that came with this place, so he wasn’t comfortable.

It was a double-edged sword. He couldn’t stand being in the places Castiel had been, but he was pretty sure he hated being in a place he knew Castiel hadn’t come before more. As much as he talked about wanting his ex out of his life, he knew he was full of shit. Dean still had dreams about his life with Castiel, but he didn’t want to admit it. He couldn’t say those words out loud.

“Dean?”

Dean tensed. That gravelly voice was still in all his dreams and all his fears. Dean slowly turned and came face to face with Castiel, looking all wide-eyed and worried.

“What’s the matter?” Dean heard himself asking. Castiel instantly relaxed when he saw Dean wasn’t going to bite his head off this time.

“I was, um… I was worried about you,” Castiel admitted. Dean raised a brow, his back straightening.

“How did you know I was here?”

Castiel cleared his throat. “Uh, Sam said you were here. And sad. And… thinking about me. I had to come see you.”

Dean turned back around and faced the other way. “He shouldn’t have said anything. It isn’t your problem,” Dean said. He was going to tear Sammy a new one when he came back. Speaking of, Dean thought, that’s probably why he went to the restroom so suddenly.

“Dean,” Castiel said, taking Sam’s seat next to him. Dean was surprised with himself for even staying. All that thinking and acceptance he had done had really helped. “I need to speak with you. About everything.”

“You wanna talk, you go ahead and do that, but I’m heading outside. I don’t need all these bad memories shoved into my face just yet, all right? Give me a little more time to let go,” Dean said. He hesitated, but he gave Castiel a small smile to reassure him and stood up.

“Aren’t you tired of running?” Castiel said in a moment of courage. The smile slipped right off of Dean’s face.

“That’s funny coming from someone who ran first,” Dean grunted. He pulled out his wallet and paid he and Sam’s tab before heading towards the door.

“Dean!” Sam called after him. 

Dean turned back to him, “Are you coming with me or is he giving you a ride?” He asked, gesturing to Castiel with a nod.

“I’ll see you later at home,” Sam said.

“Yeah. We need to have a talk,” Dean responded and then left.

 

**********

 

“I’m sorry about him, Cas. You know how he is,” Sam said.

Castiel smiled sadly. “Actually, I don’t recognize that Dean,” he said. Sam put a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t recognize him at all. Did I make him like that?”

Sam smiled apologetically. “It wasn’t just you. It’s also his job, and our mom, and all the liquor he’s been drinking.”

Castiel slumped further and took a deep breath. Now or never. “Sam, your mother, I’m sorry to say, is a nasty woman,” he said bitterly. The line threw Sam off, genuinely shocking him, but also angering him. Sure, his mother was overbearing but that was still the woman who raised and nurtured him; she loved him with all her being, so hearing someone say that about her didn’t sit right with him.

“Mine explaining that? That’s my mother you’re talking about,” Sam said, taking a step back from Castiel.

“I’ve held back this information for seven years, but here goes. She was  _ nasty _ to me from the very beginning. As soon as Dean told her we were engaged, she did whatever she could to drive me out of that house. Constantly picking fights with me, always telling me I wasn’t good enough for him, insulting me and the work I did. Sam, it just eventually became too much,” he admitted. He sighed in relief knowing that he had finally said it out loud to someone.

“Are you… serious?” Sam asked incredulously. “That doesn’t sound like her. At all. Do you have any proof?”

Castiel shook his head. “I’m afraid all that proof went when your grandmother passed a couple years ago.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “She hated my mom, so of course she would lie for you if it involved making my mom look bad,” Sam said.

“I never told anyone. I wait  _ seven _ years before coming clean with all of this. You honestly think Millie would wait that long to bad talk your mother, Sam? She witnessed Mary giving me the last warning on what would’ve been me and Dean’s wedding day,” Castiel explained.

“Our grandma never mentioned any of that. Why not?”

“I asked her not to. I didn’t want to ruin you and Dean’s image of your mother, but I had a change of heart three years ago. I love Dean so much, and I’ll be okay with everything as it is, but  _ only _ if he knows the truth.”

Sam ran his hand through his hair, sighing heavily. “So you’re saying that I just have to take your word for it?” Sam asked. His heart was pounding.

“At this point, yes. Look, Sam, I know she’s your mom and I’m just a man that ran out on your brother years ago, but trust me when I say that I would never have left Dean otherwise. I didn’t want to. Mary always used to tell me that I was never good enough for him, that he needed to marry someone in his own class,” Castiel confided in him. That wasn’t what ultimately made him leave though; it was something he was going to tell Dean first, if he only had the chance.

Sam froze for a moment. “She said something about class?” Sam asked.

“Yes.”

“I believe you now,” he said hesitantly. “Back when I was, like, ten or something, I overheard my mom on the phone saying something about hoping Dean and I met someone in our class and nothing less. I-... I didn’t think much of it,” he said, looking over at Castiel with an apologetic gaze. “This whole time?”

Cas nodded. “Yeah,” he said dejectedly.

“I need to get home. Can you take me?” Sam asked.

Castiel took out his keys and nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.”

 

**********   
  


Dean tossed his keys on the small table near the front door. He hadn’t even walked into the living room when Mary was suddenly right there in front of him.

“Dean, where have you been?” She asked, arms crossed over her chest, clearly mad.

“Sorry, mom. I was at a bar in town with Sam. He should be coming home later,” he said. Dean really didn’t feel like talking and he was hoping the tone in his voice conveyed that.

“Why are you upset?” Mary asked, suddenly worried. “Are you still sulking about Castiel?” Dean closed his eyes, taking a breath to let it go. His mom just didn’t know how he felt. “Sweetie, Castiel was never good enough for you, and he proved that by leaving.”

Dean took a step away from her, giving her a look. “What do you mean he was never good enough for me? He was perfect. He loved me and he took care of me. That was more than enough!” He said, finally tired of his mother treating this whole situation terribly. Dean was hurting and she was too busy trying to get him to move on.

Mary scoffed, “Dean, he was just a small time chef from New York! You deserved better than that,” she said sternly. Dean couldn’t believe what his mother was saying and then a thought occurred to him.

“Mom, did you… Were you why he left?” Dean asked.

Mary hesitated. “He made his own choice, Dean! It’s been five years, so I don’t understand why you’re bringing this up now!” She yelled, causing him to flinch. She hardly ever yelled, so something was obviously bothering her, and Dean knew this.

“No, mom! I asked you a question. Did he leave because of  _ you _ ?!” He yelled back. She hesitated again and Dean had his answer. “Are you fucking serious?”

“You watch your mouth, Dean. Don’t speak to me like that! You’re supposed to respect your mother!” Her fists were clenched by her side and her eyes were practically slits.

“I did! I did  _ everything _ for you and you couldn’t even let me be with the man that I love because he somehow wasn’t good enough for me?! It’s  _ you _ who doesn’t respect  _ me _ ,” he yelled. He was fuming. All his life, he lived for making his mother smile, especially since their father died. He took care of everything while Mary was gone. Sure, they had a nanny and people making their food, but Dean had to be the one to teach Sammy right from wrong. He was the one who gave up his life so Sam could go and do something he wanted. He sacrificed so much time with Castiel to please his mother so she wouldn’t fall ill from the stress of everything. He went to all the business meetings, the parties, the formal dinners, and even the damn weddings. All of it. Just for Mary.

“Mom? Dean?” Came a voice from the front door. It was Sam. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t believe you. I hope it was worth it. I hope your fucking company was worth ruining my life!” Dean yelled. Sam was shocked. Dean had  _ never _ yelled at their mother; he’d never even gotten angry with her.

“It wasn’t for the company, Dean! Castiel wasn’t good enough for you!” She argued.

“That isn’t for you to decide! He made me happy,  _ Mary _ , I love him! All this time I thought he ran off to get away from me, but it turns out  _ you _ were the monster,” he said bitterly through gritted teeth. He turned his back to Mary, in turn coming face to face with Sam. “C113, right?”

Sam nodded, still unable to find words, and stepped aside.

“Thanks,” Dean mumbled. He grabbed his keys again and walked out, pointedly slamming the door behind him. Sam and Mary both flinched. The younger Winchester turned back to his mother and shook his head. He went to walk past her.

“Sam, you believe me, don’t you? You know I would never do that?” She asked, her voice weak and filled with fear.

Sam scoffed and, “I did. When Cas first told me, I was angry at him for even thinking something like that, but it was something he said that made me finally believe him. I don’t understand how you could do that to your own son,” he said, glaring at her. “If you didn’t want to be alone, you should’ve just said so rather than trying to dictate our lives. You sacrificed Dean’s happiness. Now look, you’re actually all alone. And you have no one to blame but yourself.”

Sam left her there, returning to his old room and shutting it quietly behind him. He was never one for slamming doors.


	9. A Knock and The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel finally explains why he left and then there's the Wizard of Oz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read and approved by my beta! Any grammatical mistakes are mine <3

Castiel tossed his keys on his kitchen table and sighed deeply. He hadn’t made any headway with Dean, though, he supposed, that small smile was certainly better than a complete dismissal. That was, of course, until he ruined it by opening his mouth instead of just taking that progress with stride. He got greedy, impatient.

He kicked his shoes off by his couch and neatly placed them to the side. He didn’t exactly live in a grand apartment or anything, but he had chosen to keep it modest and save the money he was currently making. Besides, he liked this apartment. It had treated him well the last three years, as well as his landlord and neighbors. Everyone was kind when he ran into them, but mostly they all kept to themselves. Castiel loved that most.

It was quiet all around the complex, especially during the evening and late into the night, and Castiel  _ loved _ doing his laundry after midnight. It was quiet and still, like nothing could bother him for those two hours because only he existed then. Sure, it seemed a bit dramatic, but Castiel took solace in that way of thinking; his life was hectic, what with work and his situation with Dean, so he would take the peace whenever he could get it. That happened to be during his laundry nights.

Castiel sighed heavily as he plopped down onto his couch. The only kind of silence he couldn’t stand was the one that was always in his apartment. Loneliness. But he just powered through. It wasn’t like he spent a lot of time in his apartment to begin with. He reached for the remote, but paused as there was a knock on his door. No one but Meg and Sam knew where he lived, so no he was worried. He quickly stood and opened his front door.

_ "Dean _ ?” He asked quietly. His heart was pounding in his chest and ears.

Dean looked up into his eyes with his own tear filled ones. “C-Cas…” He muttered. Castiel’s breath caught at that familiar name Dean had given him all those years ago. “I… I know everything,” Dean said. They stood there for a moment before Castiel suddenly remembered his manners and stepped aside to let Dean in.

“How did you…? Did Sam tell you?” He asked. He felt a little upset because he wanted to be the one to tell Dean, but he was willing to let it go since Dean was here now.

Dean shook his head as he stared at Castiel. “No. I figured it out. From my mom. I’m so sorry, Cas. I didn’t know. Did she say something to you? Why did you just leave instead of coming to talk to me?” Dean asked, just  _ begging _ for those answers.

Castiel led Dean to the living room. “Please, have a seat and we can just talk it out. I promise, I’m not going to hold anything back anymore. I want to be one-hundred percent truthful with you, like I failed to all those years ago,” he explained. Dean hesitated for a while before taking a seat as Castiel sat down opposite of him. Dean didn’t know where to begin.

“It wasn’t just the one time, was it?” Dean asked as he fiddled with his fingers, a nervous habit of his. He thought he’d grown out of it. Last time he did it was his wedding day.

Castiel shook his head. “No. It was the entire two years,” he admitted. “I knew I could handle it. I could handle all the insults to me and my cooking and everything, but there were a few times I almost told you. In fact, there was a time when I actually did,” he said with a smile. It was funny looking back on it now. “But you had your headphones on and didn’t hear a thing. You were relaxing and I didn’t want to disturb that.”

“How could I not notice?”

“Your mother was very good at hiding it and you’ve always only seen the  _ best _ in her. You wouldn’t have believed it unless you’d seen it yourself and she was always really careful,” Castiel said. “And that’s okay. I could handle that and I did.”

Dean remained silent, just wanting to listen to everything Castiel had to say.

“She told me I would eventually grow tired of being treated so terribly and leave. But it took two years before it actually got to me, and it wasn’t for the reason you think. She didn’t tell me anything that I hadn’t heard before, she was like a broken record that way, but it was something I saw instead.” Although it kind of angered Dean hearing his mother being talked about like that, he shrugged it off because she didn’t mind destroying his life for her sake, he could take it.

“Then why did you leave?”

“It’ll seem silly. I’ve never shared this bit of information with anyone, because I didn’t want you to somehow hear it from someone other than me.” He took a deep breath. “She was in the middle of throwing insults at me when Millie came in. I know you’re fully aware that the two didn’t like each other.”

Dean shook his head. “No. My mom was always nice to her,” Dean corrected.

Castiel couldn’t help but laugh. “Sorry, but no. The first time I met Millie, she and your mom bickered. They said a lot of passive aggressive things and were just nasty to each other,” he said.

Dean scoffed. “ _ Seriously _ ?” He asked. Castiel nodded. “Has she been lying to me my entire life?” It was rhetorical so Castiel didn’t make a move to answer that.

“So Millie came in and once again they started arguing with each other and as I was watching that, I realized that I was in the same position as Mary was when she was marrying your father. And she turned into someone so  _ nasty _ as a result of that. I didn’t want to turn into her, Dean. I know that probably wasn’t a good reason to leave you, but it was for  _ me _ . I didn’t want any of that to happen to our children, I couldn’t let that happen,” he said, his voice shaking. “But I want you to know that I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you, because I do. I love you  _ so _ much.” It had been years, but the tears in Castiel’s eyes fell and he broke.

Dean sat there, taking in that information, and even though he was still bitter, he couldn’t help but soften at seeing Castiel shed tears for him. He stood up and walked over to the man and knelt down in front of him. He hadn’t touched Castiel in so long, it almost seemed like it wasn’t allowed. Dean gathered up all his courage and pulled Castiel into his arms.

Castiel gasped and instantly melted into the hug. He’d missed Dean’s comfort and warmth. He’d missed Dean’s solid form against his. He missed Dean’s scent. Castiel had missed his home. He gripped onto Dean’s shirt and let himself cry, all the weight finally leaving his shoulders. Dean shushed and whispered over and over that it was okay. That it was over and he didn’t have to deal with it on his own. He was there for Castiel.

“We’ll get through this,” Dean finally said. “I want us to be… friends again. Is that okay?” He asked. Castiel nodded against his neck. He wanted to be with Dean again more than anything, but he was going to take whatever he can get. “I don’t know where this is going to go, but I at least want us to be friends.”

“I understand, Dean,” he replied as he wiped his face and pulled away enough to look into Dean’s face. “I missed you so much.” He wanted to kiss Dean, but refrained. It was too soon for something like that.

“As much as I would’ve denied missing you, there was a reason I became a severe alcoholic and workaholic,” Dean chuckled. Castiel frowned, tightening his hold on Dean.

“I-I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean to make you turn to drinking,” he said. Ever since Sam told that Dean was a huge drinker now, he held immense guilt for it.

Dean shook his head, giving him a soft smile. “You didn’t make me, Cas. I’m an adult. I made my own choice. I’m sorry for wording it that way,” he said sincerely. “I don’t want you to think it was your fault at all.” 

Castiel looked into his eyes, trying to see if there was even a small chance he was lying, but he saw nothing. He nodded and hugged Dean again. He never wanted to let him go. Never again.

But the choice wasn’t his.

He’d made it clear how he felt about Dean. He’d confessed his love for him again, but Dean didn’t mention it. He didn’t say how he felt or if he still returned Castiel’s feelings. All he knew was that Dean had missed him, that Dean had been hurt enough to be angry with him all these years, and that was enough for now. They would take it one day at a time.

“What do you say we watch a movie?” Dean asked. “I mean, if you want to still have me over. I don’t mean to just invite myself.” Castiel smiled. There was the Dean he knew.

Castiel nodded. “Sure. I have a bunch of movies now. Do you have anything in mind?” He asked.

“Well, I’m always up for the Wizard of Oz,” he said, blushing.

Castiel laughed. “I should’ve known you were going to say that. Luckily for you, it’s already in the DVD player. I watch it often,” he admitted.

Dean smirked. “I told you you would love it,” he teased.

Castiel couldn’t tell him that was the only movie he’s watched in years, and he only watched it because he missed Dean terribly. Every time he put it on, he could see Dean practically bouncing in the seat next to him, quoting the movie, and singing the songs. The Wizard of Oz was home to them.

Castiel smiled.


	10. A Movie and A Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes people don't say the right words and others take it the wrong way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by my boo, Kate <3
> 
> I apologize for the delay. I've been stressing out with moving and I hadn't been motivated to write anything, but I hope y'all enjoy this chapter! Please comment and let me know how y'all like it <3

Somehow, during the movie, Dean and Castiel ended up leaning their sides against each other and while Dean was partially enjoying it, he decided that that was moving way too fast.

“That movie is always amazing,” Dean said, stretching after staying still for so long.

“I was caught off guard when you didn’t quote or sing anything,” Castiel said.

“I actually haven’t seen it in a while. I just didn’t have the time anymore… And, honestly, it reminded me of all the times I watched it with you and I just couldn’t do that to myself,” Dean said, smiling sadly. Castiel didn’t know how to answer, so he stayed silent. “It’s gotten pretty late. I should go.”

Without hesitation, Castiel spoke. “You’re welcome to stay here for the night, if you don’t feel like returning home,” he offered.

Dean thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. “No, I can’t do that, but thank you. I’ll stay over at Jo’s again tonight.”

Castiel froze. “Oh, right. I forgot about your relationship. I didn’t mean to make that seem inappropriate,” he said.

Dean smiled. “Jo is a terrific woman. You’d love her,” Dean said. “We aren’t dating, but we were going to try. After seeing you for the first time in years, I had to deal with my own feelings for you. I wasn’t going to date Jo if I still loved you, you know? That just wouldn’t be right,” he explained.

“And do you?” Castiel asked. “Still love me?”

Dean nodded. “I never stopped, Cas. But now that we’ve talked, I feel like moving on from all this,” he said, referring to he and Castiel’s dark past, “Is now possible. I spent so long thinking the worst of you, and now that I know it was really my own mother, I need to figure out what to do with that first. I need to handle her, because I don’t want to split up my family.”

Castiel felt his blood run cold. “I-I understand, Dean,” he said, forcing a smile. If Dean had decided he was ready to date someone else, then Castiel was positive he didn’t have a right to stop him. Not anymore. If Dean was happy, then he would just have to learn to live with it.

“I need to let her know that I still love her, but she can’t interfere in my life anymore,” Dean said as he stood up. “I’d better get going. Thank you… for this talk. You, uh, do you still have my number?”

Castiel nodded.

“Call me sometime. We’ll get together,” Dean said. Castiel stood up.

“That sounds great. I have a full work day tomorrow, but I’m free the day after, if you’d like to meet for dinner?”

“Yeah, that sounds perfect.”

“I’ll call you,” Castiel said as they walked to his front door. “I’m really glad this happened, Dean.”

Dean nodded, a genuine smile on his face. “Yeah, I am, too, Cas,” he replied. He opened the door, waving at Castiel before heading down to his car. Castiel watched Dean’s retreating form, blushing heavily when Dean turned and looked back at him, giving him another smile.

Castiel waved one last time and shut the door. He let out a breath, sliding down to the floor in complete shock. Dean finally knew and he didn’t hate him. He listened to Castiel’s story without hesitation this time and actually believed him. Castiel had never expected it to go so well. The only way it could’ve possibly gotten better was if Dean had kissed him, like they always do in the movies.

But Dean was planning on seeing Jo now. Castiel froze. Dean said they weren’t dating and weren’t going to unless all of Dean’s affection was on her. Dean said he loved Castiel, but he also said he felt he could move on. So what did all of that mean? He rushed for his coffee table where his phone was currently residing and picked it up. Castiel wanted to call him and ask, but he hesitated. He didn’t want to seem overbearing it. He didn’t want to push Dean by being too forward. Back then, Castiel didn’t have to do that since Dean  _ hated _ beating around the bush, but he was different now. 

Dean drank too much, worked too much, hated everyone too much. Castiel needed to be patient. He waited five years to even speak to Dean again… What was another couple of days to him?

He’d try to casually slide the question into conversation while they’re having dinner and see where that takes him. If he got an answer, then awesome, but if he didn’t then he wasn’t going to push it.

Castiel went to bed that night feeling better than he had in years, but the uneasiness wasn’t completely gone.

 

**********

 

Dean called Jo from Castiel’s parking lot after watching him shut the door and was happy when she agreed to let him stay there for a little while. After sending Sammy a text explaining where he was going to be and a request to bring him some clothes when he got the chance, he was driving off to Jo’s apartment.

“So what exactly happened?” Was the first thing Jo asked when she opened her door in her pajamas. Dean smiled fondly at that and stepped inside when she invited him in.

“It’s going to sound crazy, but it turns out my mom was the reason Castiel left me,” he said, then winced at the memories it brought up. “She emotionally tortured him for  _ two _ years until he finally broke. He said he didn’t want to end up like her.”

“What does that even mean? ‘End up like her’?”

“He said he witnessed how she and my grandma were arguing and decided he didn’t want to turn into that,” Dean explained. “And I can honestly see where he was coming from.” He sighed deeply. “I just figured he would’ve explained that when he said goodbye to me in that damn church.”

Now that the happiness had worn off, he was feeling angry. He was angry that Castiel didn’t just tell him. Angry that Mary would pull something like that knowing how happy Castiel had made him.Angry that he missed out on time with Castiel. Just angry. He sighed. Dean was so tired of being angry all the time

“What did he tell you?” Jo asked quietly, as if she were afraid to say something wrong.

 

_ Dean looked at himself in the mirror, fixing his bow tie and making sure it was straight. He was smiling so much that his face was starting to hurt. In just an hour, he would be married to the love of his life. He turned and smiled at Sam, who was watching him from the doorway with a proud smile on his face. _

_ “I never thought you would get married before me,” Sam teased. “I’m actually impressed.” _

_ “Bitch,” Dean replied. _

_ Sam laughed, “Jerk,” and went and stood beside him. “I’m really happy to see you so happy, Dean. I mean it. You and Cas are perfect for each other.” Dean was about to respond when there was a knock at the door before it opened to reveal Castiel himself. _

_ “Dean, can I speak with you for a moment?” He asked, his face worried. Dean felt his stomach drop. Was Castiel getting cold feet? Now? It didn’t make sense. He’d been  _ so _ excited to get married since Dean proposed. _

_ “Sure thing,” Dean said. Sam smiled at both of them before taking his leave from the room. “Couldn’t wait to see me?” He teased Castiel as a way to ease the weird, tense feeling between them. Castiel gave him kind of a sad smile as he walked closer, stopping in front of Dean. _

_ “I love you, Dean,” Castiel said softly. Dean smiled, his heart soaring at hearing those words. He leaned down and kissed Castiel with  _ so _ much love. Dean felt his heart would burst out of his chest. _

_ “I love you, Cas. I can’t wait to start our lives together,” he said, leaning his forehead against Castiel’s. _

_ Castiel bit his lip hard, his eyes watering, and lip quivering. He took a deep breath “Dean” he paused, taking that moment to pull away from Dean. “I love you, but… I can’t do this,” he said firmly, refusing to look Dean in the face. _

_ Dean felt himself run cold. “What… What do you mean?” He asked. “Is it- Are you nervous? Should we reschedule it another day? Would you rather get married somewhere else?” He asked, his voice shaking. When Castiel remained silent, Dean couldn’t stop the tears from falling. “What did I do wrong?” _

_ After a moment, “It wasn’t you. I thought I could do this. I thought I could go through with it, but I just can’t. I’m not strong enough. I’m… I’m so sorry,” he said. _

_ Dean let a few more tears go before wiping his face and nodded. “Okay. Okay. That’s okay. We don’t have to get married now. We can call it off and just wait another few months or a year or   _ years _ , okay? I’ll go tell them right now,” he said, moving to the door nervously. Castiel caught him by the wrist. _

_ “It isn’t just that. I… I can’t be with you anymore,” Castiel admitted, finally looking up into Dean’s eyes. Castiel’s heart dropped to his feet at the hurt in Dean’s face. “I-I’m sorry. I need to leave now.” _

_ He rushed out of the room, ignoring Dean’s calls for him. Dean stood there, frozen. He wanted to run after Castiel, but his damn legs just wouldn’t move.  _

 

“I don’t know how long I stood there, just crying and trying to will myself to move before Sam came in. He saw me at my absolute worst then. I just… shut down. No one could get me to talk for a quite a while before I confided in Sam,” Dean explained.

“What he told you did seem pretty vague,” Jo said, her hand already rubbing circles in Dean’s shoulder. “Are you ever gonna ask him about that?”

Dean shrugged. “We’re supposed to have dinner in a couple of days. Maybe I should ask then?” He suggested.

Jo nodded, humming in agreement. “It’s better than dancing around it, you know?”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, I used to hate that, believe it or not.” He grabbed Jo’s hand and held it tightly in his. “Thank you for being here for me, Jo. I owe you.”

She smiled, squeezing his hand. “We’re friends, Dean. You don’t owe me anything,” she said. Dean smiled wider, pulling Jo into a side hug. 

“Well, as long as you know that I’ll always be here for you, too,” he replied.

“Yeah. I do.”


	11. A Headache and A Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel gets a headache and has an unexpected visitor. He learns something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for such a long time between updates! I've now been in Guam for nearly a month and the move definitely wasn't easy :( I had a sudden burst of inspiration about this story and here we are. This chapter is unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine. Please comment below and let me know what y'all think! <3

_ “Cas? Whoa, hold on. Where are you going?” He asked, stopping him by the shoulder. Castiel turned and looked at him with his red-rimmed eyes and quivering lip, staying silent. Sam seemed to understand what he couldn’t say and immediately let his face drop. “You son of a bitch,” was all Sam could get out before running back into the church to his brother. _

_ Castiel hailed a cab and got in, going back to Dean’s home. _

_ He packed his things in a hurry, surely leaving a few things behind, before getting in his own car and speeding out of the town. _

*

Castiel jolted awake. He had this dream often, but it still made him feel uneasy. It was always a constant reminder that he hadn’t hurt just Dean, he’d hurt Sam as well. Castiel was pretty sure he hadn’t even apologized to that man for everything he put him through because of what he put Dean through.

The Winchester brothers were insanely close. They took care of each other and confided in one another, always. After Sam moved away, Dean took it a little hard and it continued to have a negative effect on him for years. He just buried himself in his work, in work he wasn’t happy with at all and Castiel could see it. Even when they first met, the way Dean talked about work made Castiel feel for him.

Castiel himself  _ loved _ his work, and that’s why he made it his career, so it was difficult for him to understand why Dean was doing it. Even whenever he asked, Dean had explained that it was the family business and when he asked why Sam wasn’t doing it either, Dean avoided the question.

*

Castiel opened up his restaurant, letting Meg in whenever she arrived a few minutes after him, and got to work setting everything up for their breakfast rush. It was a routine, and Castiel certainly didn’t mind. He was a creature of habit.

“So, Cas,” Meg said when they got a minute.

Castiel raised a brow. “Yes?”

“Wanna share something?”

“Like what?” 

Meg shrugged. “Like maybe why Dean Winchester, your  _ ex _ , was in your apartment last night,” she said. Castiel nearly dropped the paperwork he had in his hands.

“How do you know about that?” He asked.

“I was coming over last night to drink my sorrows away with you when I saw Dean coming out of your apartment. I just got back in my car and drove away. Seemed like you two were having a “moment”.”

Castiel cleared his throat before speaking, “He came over last night and we finally cleared the air. Then we watched a movie, but  _ nothing _ happened. I’m pretty sure he’s looking to date someone else.”

“The chick he was here with a few nights ago?”

Castiel nodded.

“Good God, man, we need to get you laid so you can get Dean Winchester out of your system,” she said, patting him on the shoulder.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I don’t need to get laid, Meg. I’m doing fine,” he insisted.

“But you still love him,” she said, raising her brow.

“He’s the love of my life. I don’t think that’s something you can ever get over. Besides,  _ I _ was the one who hurt  _ him _ , so I don’t see why you dislike him so much,” Castiel replied, a hand on his hip.

Castiel didn’t even notice the blush on her cheeks. “I don’t dislike him or anything. I just see how much this is hurting  _ you _ , my  _ friend _ , and I can’t stand it.”

Castiel’s eyes softened and he sighed before pulling her into a hug. “I didn’t mean to be harsh, I’m sorry. I should’ve put myself in your shoes first.”

She hugged him back. “It’s okay.” They hugged for a moment longer before pulling away. “Let’s go crush this rush so we can laze about until lunch.” 

Castiel laughed.

*

“Oh, my God, this was a really busy fuckin’ day,” Meg groaned as Castiel finally locked the doors. “They just wouldn’t leave. They  _ know _ what time we close, Cas.” Castiel sighed at her whining.

“Let’s just be thankful we were able to get most of our clean up done. Just wipe down the tables and mop the main floor and you can go, okay?” He rubbed his temples, the headache he’d gotten earlier didn’t go away with the ibuprofen he took.

“I could help out, it’s okay,” she insisted.

“There’s not much to do. Just that and my paperwork, so don’t worry about it.”

“If you’re sure.”

Castiel sat down in his office, the door wide open as he and Meg were the only ones left in the restaurant. He trusted her with everything. With how great business was going, he was going to have to hire an assistant manager. He’d talked about it with Meg once, but she insisted she was perfectly content with her position of waitress/hostess and had no desire to do the business side of it.

He’d have to go home and write out an ad to place in the paper as well as make a posting online at a job site. Castiel was positive the position would get filled in no time.

A gentle knock on the door frame jolted him out of his thoughts and it was then that he realized he’d finished over half his work without even thinking about it. He looked at Meg standing in the door way.

“I’m heading out now. You’ll be okay?” She asked. Castiel smiled at her warmth.

“Yes, I’ll be fine. Get home safe,” he said, giving her one last smile before she walked away.

He sighed and focused back on his work. The sooner he got done with this, the sooner he could go home and go to sleep, which he  _ needed _ . The pounding headache was persisting and he was close to tears.

Castiel only had a little bit of work left, but he couldn’t stand it. He pushed himself away from his desk and got up. He collected his things, locked up the restaurant, and started on the drive home in silence. Normally, he would listen to music, but he needed the silence right now... although all the bright headlights he was passing as he drove omitted that.

What seemed like an hour later, he finally,  _ finally _ made it home. He shielded his eyes from the lights as he walked to his door, thankful for the quiet apartment complex, and gasped in shock when he ran into a solid figure.

He looked up, already saying an apology when he tilted his head in confusion. “Sam?” He asked. “What are you doing here?”

Sam smiled at him before frowning as he looked over his face. “You okay, Cas?”

“I’ve actually got the worst headache right now,” he said truthfully. He unlocked his door and went in, gesturing for Sam to come inside. Reluctantly, the taller man entered his apartment.

“You’re not feeling well. I should go,” Sam said, shifting awkwardly on his feet. Castiel finished putting his things away and slipped off his shoes before turning to him.

“It’s okay, really. I’d actually prefer to have someone here. I’m terrified of headaches. If you don’t mind, I’d really like if you stayed, at least until I fall asleep.” Sam smiled, the light in the kitchen helping Castiel to see while also effectively hurting him.

“Sure thing, Cas. Let’s get you settled into bed. Do you have any painkillers for your head?” Castiel gestured to the cabinet above the coffee pot. “Go get in bed and I’ll bring it to you.”

Castiel didn’t have to be told twice. In fact, he was quite surprised when barely a minute later, he was in his pajamas and in his bed. Sam came in with the pill bottle and a glass of water.

“Here you go,” Sam said quietly as he handed the bottle to him. Castiel put a few pills in his mouth and then swallowed with a huge gulp of water that made his head throb in pain. He laid down, watching as Sam put the items down on his bedside table.

“Is there something on your mind, Sam?” He asked after a moment of silence.

Sam shrugged. “I guess I just wanted to see how you were doing, you know? After your talk with Dean,” he asked. Castiel sighed softly.

“It’s selfish of me, but,” he sighed again. “I suppose I wished it had been like one of those romantic movies. We’d talked, make up, and suddenly just kiss and be together again, but I don’t see that happening any time soon.”

Sam huffed a little. “Yeah, I guess that is a little selfish of you. Just take it one step at a time. The fact that Dean doesn’t hate you anymore is great news.”

“Yes, you’re right. Besides, he’s trying for a relationship with someone else.”

“Whoa, what?” Sam asked, voice full of shock and confusion. “Are you talking about Jo?”

Castiel hummed when he realized Sam probably couldn’t see him nod with just the light from the kitchen  _ barely _ peeking into the room. He felt Sam sit on the side of the bed, the movement making his head pound.

“He isn’t dating Jo, Cas,” Sam laughed softly.

“How do you know that for sure? He told me that he was ready to move on from me and him. How else was I supposed to take that?” Castiel asked.

“I’m sure there’s just a misunderstanding there. Why don’t you just come out and ask him? You know he hates beating around the bush.”

Castiel shrugged. “That was Dean before. The Dean now, he ran away from our talk for a while, and he probably would’ve kept doing it if he hadn’t figured out what happened.” Castiel couldn’t help but feel bitter, the headache making him irritable about things that he normally wouldn’t be angry about.

“That’s not fair, Cas. You  _ left _ him. That kind of hurt doesn’t just go away,” Sam said. “Love never came easy for Dean, what with his work and all.”

Castiel pulled the blankets up higher, covering his face. “Why does he even work for your mother’s company? He’s painfully unhappy.”

There was a brief pause before Sam answered quietly, almost ashamed, and said, “So I don’t have to.” Castiel pulled the blankets down.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“The business is supposed to be passed down to one of us and Dean knew I wanted to be a lawyer, so he told me to do what makes me happy. That he could handle it. I told him he didn’t have to work with our mom’s company, but… Dean never wanted to make her sad, so he stayed.” Castiel laid there stunned as he listened to Sam explain. All this time Castiel thought Mary was forcing Dean, but it was Dean forcing Dean… So Sam didn’t have to. He knew Dean loved Sam with all his heart, but he didn’t think he would give up his own happiness for the taller man. 

Castiel’s heart nearly swelled to bursting with love for the older Winchester and that’s when he decided that he was going to fight for Dean, no matter what.

“He loves you, Sam, very much,” Castiel said, his eyes feeling heavy. He could feel Sam tense up a little before relaxing again.

“Yeah, I know. Get some sleep, Cas. I’ll be here for a little while longer,” Sam assured him. Castiel hummed and let his eyes close. It wasn’t too long before he was asleep.

Castiel woke up twice that night. The first time, Sam was sitting on the bed messing with his phone. The second time, he saw Dean sitting in a chair by the bed, a hand on his. But maybe that was only a dream.


	12. Breakfast and Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A misunderstanding is cleared up and they make a decision

Dean sat beside Castiel’s sleeping form, his hand in the other man’s.

“Will you be okay here?” Sam whispered from the door. He looked between his brother and the man lying in the bed. Dean turned to his brother and gave him a small smile.

“Yeah. Thanks for telling me about his condition. He can’t stand being alone while he’s not feeling well; It terrifies him,” Dean explained with a soft smile on his face.

Sam smiled in return, happy at how  _ relieved _ his older brother finally looked to be by Castiel’s side again. A thought came to mind and he moved closer to Dean before speaking, “Hey, are you planning on dating Jo?” Sam asked.

Dean raised a brow. “No. Who told you that?”

Sam sighed and nodded towards Castiel. “He did.”

“Why the hell would he think that?”

“He said you told him you were moving on from your relationship with him or something like that,” Sam shrugged. Dean searched his mind for a moment before sighing.

“Jesus. I meant that I wanted to move on from our  _ bad _ past, Sam. He knows I love him. It’ll always be him,” Dean admitted, a small blush staining his cheeks.

“You guys are so infuriating,” Sam sighed deeply. “Just  _ talk _ to each other. This doesn’t have to be a damn lifetime movie. Just sit down and talk and see where you want your relationship to go.” Dean raised a brow at Sam.

“Are you drunk or something?” Because Sam was only this honest when he had a couple of drinks in him.

Sam rolled his eyes as he said, “ _ No _ , Dean. I’m just tired of you guys dancing around each other. It’s been a good while and everything has been settled, for the most part. So stop acting like babies and just  _ say what you want _ ,” he said, voice stern like he used in court.

Dean thought for a moment before nodding. “Okay, Sammy. You’re right. I’ll talk to him when he gets up.” Sam stared at him for a moment. “I promise.”

“All right. I expect details later. And if I don’t get them from you, I’ll get them from Cas,” threatened Sam. “I’ll leave you to it.” Sam gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder and took his leave, locking Castiel’s front door behind him.

**********

The rest of the night went by smoothly, Castiel’s migraine having not developed into a fever and leaving Dean feeling relieved. Eventually, he leaned over and laid his head on the bed, choosing to fall asleep there rather than leaving Castiel to wake up alone.

Sleep was uncomfortable, but he managed to get a few hours and when he awoke, the sun was shining in his face and Castiel’s bedroom TV was on. He sat up abruptly, wiping the drool off his cheek.

He looked at Castiel and checked over him. “Are you feeling okay? Is your migraine gone?” He asked, brows furrowed in worry.

Castiel smiled and nodded. “Yes, it’s gone. Thank you. No offense, but why are you here? I was certain that I knew how to tell you and Sam apart by now,” he joked.

Dean laughed softly. “We were texting last night and he told me he was here and how you were. I know you don’t like being alone when you’re not well, so I came over. I hope that’s okay,” Dean explained, feeling shy suddenly and hoping he wasn’t crossing boundaries.

Castiel gave him such a loving look and he couldn’t help but blush. “Yeah, that’s okay. Thank you for coming, Dean. I hope Jo was okay with it.”

Dean blinked, tilting his head before breaking out into a huge grin. “About that, Cas, look…” He started. “When I said you and I could move on, I meant that we could leave these past five years behind us. So I’m not dating Jo. She’s just a really good friend letting me stay at her place while I figure things out.” Castiel blinked and then suddenly slumped back against his headboard and let a few tears roll down his cheeks.

“What’s wrong, Cas?” asked Dean, voice panicked.

Castiel tried to wipe his tears away, but only managed to spread them. “I just… I didn’t think there was even a  _ chance _ ,” he said, voice breaking. “I thought we were definitely over and it was  _ breaking _ me.” Dean smiled warmly and sat on the bed next to him, pulling Castiel into his side.

“It was always going to be you, Cas,” he said, his own eyes watering. “I thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life because no matter what I told myself, I was never going to move on from you.” This made Castiel let out a small sob, his hand clinging to Dean’s shirt as he buried his face in Dean’s neck.

“I love you so much, Dean. I  _ never _ stopped. I’ll never stop,” he cried. Dean hugged him tighter.

“I know, Cas. I know that now,” Dean replied, his voice cracking. He tried to prevent himself from crying, but eventually he just let it out and cried with Castiel. “I love you,” he whispered against Castiel’s hair.

They sat there and cried with one another for a few minutes before pulling apart. Dean stared into Castiel’s puffy eyes and smiled softly at how familiar all this was, despite the toxic five years between them. It was like they never parted ways. Dean moved his hand to Castiel’s cheek, shooting a look to his lips before licking his own. He looked into Castiel’s eyes, silently asking for permission. When Castiel gave a small nod, Dean didn’t waste any time in pressing their lips together.

Castiel’s soft lips sent a warmth throughout Dean’s body and he felt lighter. As if all the weight had been removed from his shoulders. He sighed into the kiss and pulled Castiel closer, the other man letting himself get lost in the feeling of Dean’s lips. They pulled away slowly and smiled at one another, their foreheads leaning against either other.

“That,” Dean said quietly, “was five years overdue.” Castiel laughed and hugged Dean as tight as he could. Even though they had a lot of baggage to get through, Mary Winchester included, everything was better than either of them had hoped it would be. That was all that mattered for now.

Everything else could wait.

**********

Dean made Castiel breakfast even though Castiel insisted on making it. From his memory, Dean wasn’t exactly the best cook, but the eager smile on Dean’s face made him give in. Dean was excited to show him how much his cooking had improved in the past five years and he did just that. He cooked Castiel pancakes, eggs, and bacon all with a proud smile on his face.

“ _ Mm! _ Dean, this is terrific, thank you!” Castiel praised to which Dean beamed happily.

“Really?” He asked. “Are you saying this as my boyfriend or as a chef?”

Castiel blushed at the title and bit back a smile. “Now that I know I can say it as your boyfriend… Let’s go with both,” he said, reaching across the table and putting his hand on Dean’s. “So I feel we should do some more talking. I’m going to call Meg and let her know that I won’t be coming in today. Do you need to go to work?”

Dean shrugged. “They’ve taken up plenty of my time. Let my mom worry about it,” he said. “Besides, there’s no way in hell I’m working at that damn company after what it all cost me.”

Castiel pulled out his phone and looked at the time. He was thankful he’d given a key to Meg at some point, so she could open up on the off chance he was late. He decided to send her a text instead.

‘ _ I’ll be out for today. I’ll return tomorrow. Don’t worry about any of the paperwork. Thank you. _ ’

He set his phone aside and focused back on his breakfast for a moment before looking up at Dean, who was already smiling at him. “Do you think you could help me make a business post online? I’m looking for a manager,” he asked Dean.

“You don’t already have one? Who’s watching the restaurant right now then?”

“Meg is my go-to, but she doesn’t want to become a manager. I didn’t really need any help until now,” Castiel admitted. “I’m… very exhausted.” Dean smiled at him.

“How about I help out?”

“Like we work together?"

Dean nodded. “Yeah. I mean, I know how it works, I have all the qualifications to successfully run a business, and I hear the owner is really hot,” he explained, a smirk on his face. “So, that’s just a plus.”

Castiel laughed softly. “Must be quite the looker if they can get your attention, Dean Winchester,” he teased, leaning forward.

“Oh, yeah. The man is sex on legs.” Castiel burst out laughing.

“Your sweet talk is still the same, I see.”

“Hey, I’m rusty! You know you like it anyways. So what do you say?” Dean asked. “Want to work together?” Castiel gave Dean’s hand a squeeze.

“I never want to be separated from you ever again, so yes.  _ Hell yes _ , I want to work together.”

Dean grinned at him widely, turning his hand over so he could grab onto Castiel’s as he said, “God, I love you.”

“I love you.”


	13. A Confrontation and A Hug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets Meg and Mary pays the restaurant a visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I've updated this story! I started a new destiel fic and all of my motivation has been with it, so I apologize! This chapter is basically dialogue.

Dean decided to take Castiel’s offer on staying over that night so they could carpool to Castiel’s restaurant. That night, they slept cuddled together with nothing more than a few kisses exchanged between them; They definitely weren’t ready to go any further just yet.

When they got to the restaurant the next morning, Meg was also just getting there. Dean smiled at her and stuck his out to shake hers.

“Hello, I’m Dean. It’ll be a pleasure working with you,” he said politely and professionally. Meg stared at his hand for a moment before looking back up at him.

“Yeah, I know who you are,” she said, before turning to look at Castiel. “He’s going to be  _ working _ here now?” She asked. Dean’s smile turned tight as he let his hand fall back to his side.

“Yes, Meg. Dean ran a business quite well for years and I needed help, so he and I decided this would be best for us and our relationship,” Castiel said as he unlocked the front door.

“Your  _ relationship _ ?” She asked, walking in behind him with intent. “What about the other chick?”

“What woman are you talking about?” Dean asked.

“You date from the other night, hotshot.”

“Jo is a very good friend of mine,” Dean said. “Do you have a problem with me, Meg?”

Meg turned to face him, hands on her hips. “Yes, I do. Do you know how torn up Castiel was for those five years?” He asked. Dean’s brows shot up.

“I’m going to guess about as torn up as I was. Look, you don’t like me because there’s some bad history between me and a friend of yours and I get that, but Cas and I have worked things out and we want to make up for lost time. We missed out on five years because of my mother. She didn’t believe our love would last. So tell me, are we going to have to prove our relationship to you as well?” He asked, standing up straighter and looking her dead in the eye.

“If I say yes?”

Dean shrugged. “Then you say yes, but we won’t be performing monkeys. I’m tired of everything trying to come between me and the man I love. As far as I’m concerned, if you don’t agree with our relationship, then that will be  _ your _ problem. Don’t take it out on Cas.” He moved past her, pulling Castiel into his arms. “Nothing will drive us apart ever again.”

Castiel was struck silent, a blush on his cheeks as he looked up at Dean. This was the Dean he fell in love with. The man who told it like it was, who didn’t beat around the bush, and who knew how to stand for what he believed in.

Meg smiled. “What do you know, Cas, he really is quite the charmer,” she said, fanning her face. “I need to find someone who would fight for me like that.” Castiel chuckled.

“Are we good then?” Dean asked.

Meg punched him playfully on the shoulder. “Yeah, Prince Charming. We’re good.” Dean smiled and Meg returned it before she walked off. “Gotta get set up for breakfast. Oh, and if you’re gonna have sex in the office,  _ please _ lock the door. I don’t wanna walk in on that!”

And she was gone.

Dean laughed. “Oh, man, Cas, I  _ like _ her,” he said.

Castiel laughed beside him. “Yeah, she’s a handful, but she’s also a terrific friend.” He gestured for Dean to follow him back into his office and showed him around.

“All of this is exceptionally organized,” Dean admired as he looked through his filing. He went into Castiel’s books and looked them over. “Your restaurant is doing very well. So you need help keeping everything balanced?”

Castiel nodded. “Yes. I don’t mind working every day, but there will be instances where I may be needed elsewhere and I need someone here to make sure the place doesn’t go down in flames,” he explained. Dean took a seat in Castiel’s chair and leaned back, deeply focused in reading through the entirety of Castiel’s financial business.

Castiel’s mind wandered back to when he would come into Dean’s office and watch him in that exact position for a few minutes before calling focus to himself. Castiel loved watching Dean work. He was always so passionate and hardworking; Castiel admired that most about Dean. Even if he was working himself to death for his mother, Castiel was always filled with awe.

“What?” Dean asked with a shy smile when he noticed Castiel was staring.

Castiel shook his head. “I was just thinking,” he said.

“About what?”

“Just how handsome you are and how lucky I am that you love me.”

Dean face went hot and he bit back a smile. “Always the sap,” he replied.

“You love it,” Castiel teased.

“Damn right I love it. Don’t ever change.” Castiel smiled wider. “Can I have a kiss?” Dean asked. Castiel went over and leaned down to give Dean a peck on the lips.

“Mm, that’s what I live for,” Dean said.

Castiel laughed. “I need to get started cooking with the others. Find me if you need me,” he said.

“You got it,” Dean said, looking back down at the books. The door closed behind Castiel as he left.

 

**********   
  


“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said as he walked back in. “How’s it going?” He asked.

“Pretty well. I’m just getting familiar. Honestly, if you keep going at this rate, you could open another restaurant if you wanted,” Dean explained, looking up at Castiel with a proud smile.

“Really?” Castiel said, shocked. “I didn’t think that would be in the books for a couple of years,  _ at least. _ ”

Dean chuckled. “Well, I’m not saying it’ll happen next week, but the way things are going, you can start planning for it within the year. It’ll be tough, but it’s definitely doable. They have loans for this kind of thing and, since we’re working together, I’d be happy to invest.”

“You’d do that?” He asked.

Dean scoffed. “With no hesitation, sweetheart. I love you. Of course I want to help you achieve your dreams!”

“But what about your dreams?”

“I… Don’t know what I want to do, Cas, but I know I have to do  _ something _ . And there’s nothing better than helping the man I love achieve  _ his _ dream,” Dean explained. “I’ll figure out what I want to do eventually.”

Castiel smiled. “I know you’ll do great things, Dean. I have complete faith in you.” Dean pulled him down by his tie for another kiss, this one longer and sweeter.

A knock came at the door before it opened, Dean and Cas already pulling away. It was Meg.

“Hey, there’s some blonde lady here asking for you, Cas,” she said. “Looks pissy.”

Dean and Cas shared a look. “It’s probably my mother. Let’s go out together,” he said, as he stood up. He straightened his suit and tie and took a deep breath.

“Are you sure, Dean? I can handle her on my own,” Castiel assured him.

Dean smiled, “I know you can, but I want to protect you this time.” He kissed Castiel’s temple and stepped out besides Meg, who leaned in closer to whisper to him.

“Hey,” she whispered. “Want me to “accidentally” spill a tray of drinks on her?”

Dean laughed and pulled Meg in for a quick side hug. “I’ll let you know. My signal will be coughing three times in a row. How’s that?”

Meg smiled. “I like you, Winchester.” He winked and went to the front where his mother was standing around, looking at everything. Certainly judging it. Dean exhaled slowly to calm himself before stepping out in front of her.

She smiled at him warmly. “Dean, I was wondering where you ran off to. I came here to ask Castiel if he knew since you haven’t been answering your phone.”

Dean look remained hard. “I should’ve known better than to think you were actually here to apologize to Cas,” he said, voice cold.

Mary’s smile dropped. “I don’t owe him an apology,” she said, matching his tone. Dean saw her look behind him and he knew Castiel had come out from the back.

“Hello, Mary,” Castiel said. Dean turned to face him, knowing that although Castiel looked extremely confident and unfazed, he was nervous.

“Castiel,” Mary acknowledged before turning her sights on Dean once more. “It’s time to come home, Dean. The business needs you. You’ve been away from your responsibilities for too long.”

Dean took a step back, shaking his head. “No. I’m done working there. My resignation will be sent to you shortly.”

Mary looked like Dean had slapped her across the face. “Dean, stop talking nonsense. It’s time to come home.”

“I said  _ no _ ,” he said repeated. “I only worked there so Sam wouldn’t have to, but now that I know I can choose my own future, I choose to be with Castiel. I would choose him over and over again.”

“So you’re giving up everything for  _ him _ ?”

“I’m not giving up anything, mom. I’m gaining my own life. As my mother, who I hope loves me, you should accept my decision and the man I love,” Dean said, slipping his hand into Castiel’s.

“I don’t believe this, Dean,” Mary said, looking between the two.

“If you’d cared enough, you would’ve seen that I love Cas with everything I have and that should’ve been enough for you. But more than that, you should’ve seen how much he loves. I really do feel sorry for you, mom.”

Castiel took a small step forward, Mary’s eyes immediately going to him at the movement. “I heard what Millie told you on that day, our wedding day. I heard her say the same things you told me. I knew then that if I had stayed while you felt such hate for me like she did for you, then I would turn into you. I didn’t want to put me and Dean’s future children through the same thing. It wasn’t your torment that drove me away, Mary,” Castiel explained. “It was that defeated look on your face when you looked at Millie. It was the sadness in your eyes and the clench of your fists. I didn’t want to become you.”

Mary stood there, a hard look in her eyes despite the tears slowly building. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. You still left him. You didn’t love him the way I loved his father,” she said.

Castiel shook his head. “But look where it got you. You suffered and, as a result, so did Dean. I understand if you have a valid reason for not liking me, but if it’s because you think it’s a test then, I’m sorry, but that’s pointless. I left Dean that day because I loved him too much to turn into someone so full of hate.”

“So you’re just going to take him away from me?” She said, her voice trembling.

“No. Dean is his own person. Any choices he makes are completely his. More than anything, I want all of us to start over. You’re his mother, Mary. And you love him just as much as he loves you, but it’s obvious that you have some things you need to work through,” he explained.

Mary looked at Dean. “Dean?” She asked.

“Mom, I think you have a lot of thinking to do,” he said.

She looked like she wanted to say more but then swiftly turned away and walked out of the restaurant. Beside him, Dean felt Castiel slouched over.

“You okay?” He asked, squeezing Castiel’s hand.

“I hadn’t seen her in so long. I was too terrified to face her.”

“It’s okay. This time, you’re not alone,” Dean said, pulling him into a hug. Castiel returned the hug eagerly, breathing in Dean’s scent. It instantly calmed him.

“Yeah, that’s sweet and all but we’re backed up on some orders!” Meg called out as she passed them with a full tray, a smile in her voice.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and let me know what y'all think!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr! castielsangel-blade


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